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Working the Steps : STEP 5

Step 5: 

Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. 

This step is probably one of the most challenging. It’s one thing to take our moral inventory in Step 4, but it’s quite another to admit our wrongs to another person. While living an addictive lifestyle, we’ve gotten very good at keeping secrets, hiding our shame in lies and denial. Now it’s time to come clean with God, ourselves and another human being. 


Here are some tips to help with each area of Step 5…


Admitting wrongs to God:
It’s easy to justify not really working this part because after all, doesn’t God know everything I did already? Yes, that’s true. But not the point. We need to sit down and have a personal conversation with God, using our listed inventory from Step 4 if necessary. But more importantly, be open and honest about the things we did, that caused harm to ourselves and others, directly to God. It will probably be emotional, but that’s part of the healing.


Admitting wrongs to ourselves:
OK, didn’t I do this when I wrote out my inventory? Yes, and no. Most likely your inventory was taken in silence, with pencil and paper. This work needs to be audible. Sit down in front of a mirror, looking at yourself, going through the inventory list, honestly admit to yourself the wrongs done. If you’re anything like me, dealing with myself in the mirror is always painful. But often pain comes before healing.


Admitting wrongs to another human being:
The first two parts of Step 5 were rough, but this one is the clincher. Start first by carefully choosing a trustworthy person who won’t use your past against you. Find someone dependable, who will provide unconditional acceptance and not be shock or offended by what your reveal. When you’re comfortable with the person, sharing will be that much easier. Refrain from unnecessary detailed explanations. 


Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.~ James 5:16

You make be tempted to procrastinate on this painful step. Don’t. The sooner you get Step 5 behind you, the faster you’ll be on the road to full and complete healing. Don’t hesitate to email me if you have questions. 


Also, here are some excellent resources:


Life Recovery Bible
The Twelve Steps for Christians 
Recovery: The Twelve Steps as Spiritual Practice
The Solid Rock Road




Take it Step by Step with @Bryan_Duncan http://youtu.be/swNgb9ya6WM

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Coming in May on Reaching Hurting Women!

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Working the Steps: Step 5 
Having taken our moral inventory in April, it’s now time to admit the exact nature of our wrongs to ourselves, God and another person.









This month’s book review:  Restoring Sexual Identity by Anne Paulk  
Do you or someone you know struggle with unwanted same-sex attraction? Anne Paulk answers the most commonly asked questions from both homosexuals desiring change and friends and relatives of women struggling with same sex attraction. 





Virtues ~n~ Vices :: INTEGRITY  
Admitting wrongs to others is tough. So is standing up to your past and stepping out of an unwanted lifestyle. Let’s talk about what it means to live a life of integrity.







Healing Hurts :: Personal Identity Crisis
Do you find yourself asking, “What is my purpose in life?” Women are dizzy with doubt about who they are and what they’re supposed to do with their life. Let’s work through this tough time of life together.






















Are You Hiding Behind Your Baggage?
We all have baggage from our past. But when we hide behind it instead of taking the next step to grow, we limit ourselves, our relationships and our future.






See these articles accented by some beautiful praise and worship music on Reaching Hurting Women in May! 




Photos courtesy 123rf.com

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Healing Hurts :: ANXIETY

anxiety: distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune.



Anxiety seems to be an inevitable part of life. Stimulated by fear, when life comes at us with both barrels, we go into a panic attack or worse, shut down completely. 


Often, we bring anxiety on ourselves, with our too busy, over-productive, thoughtless style of modern work, play and home life. We rush around trying to cram as much into one day as we possible can. And we wonder why we have anxiety! 


If we take a simpler approach to our day we’re less stressed and worried, by slowing down, we find meaning and purpose in whatever task we’ve been assigned, whether it’s scrubbing dishes, driving a bus or delegating duties to an office. If we put more care-filled thought into our daily routine, the mundane will turn beautiful and our self-inflicted anxiety will fade away.


Another word for anxiety is worry. And fear is always at the root of worry. We learned last month in our Virtues~n~Vices column that faith is the only thing that can counteract fear. If you are running low on faith… I have just the answer for you. God’s Word! 


Here are a some Scripture references that help me in times of anxiety. Look them up. When one speaks to you, write it on a 3×5 card and keep it with you. 


God’s Word will renew your mind and remove your anxiety!


Joshua 1:9
Psalms 16:8; 27:1; 34:4; 55:22; 56:11; Psalm 91
Proverbs 3:5-6; 12:25
Isaiah 26:3; 41:10
Matthew 6:25-34
John 14:27
2 Corinthians 1:3-4; 4:15-18; 9:8; 10:5
Philippians 4:8

2 Timothy 1:7; 4:18


5 STEPS THAT OVERCOME ANXIETY
  1. Check Your Inputs – Media influences are a recipe for anxiety and depression. Why do we think we need to know everything that’s going on in the world to survive each day? It’s simply not true. There’s very little we can do to change the head lines. Why clutter your mind with all the trivia, frivolity, drama and violence? Life’s too short to waste brain matter on unnecessary input. Instead, fill your mind with praise music to lift your spirit, read a good old book! Need help finding one? Email me.
  2. Check Your Thoughts – Think about what you are thinking about. Journal your thoughts in times of anxiety, trace them back, find the input that triggered those thoughts. You may need to eliminate an activity, a friend or program that’s triggering anxiety. 
  3. Check Your Activity – Lack of exercise, not enough or too much sleep can cause depression and anxiety. Take a walk, look at the birds. Are they worrying?  Stillness, silence and solitude work wonders for anxiety. Yoga has been instrumental in my own mental and physical health. (Now don’t get ruffled about yoga… there are Christian Yoga books now.) Also, get yourself on a good sleep routine. There’s a lot of research showing the importance of circadian sleep rhythm – sleep when the sun does. 
  4. Check Your Diet – Eat closer to the earth. Cut caffeine and sugar. Drop soda, drink more water. Look for hidden sugars, high-glycemic levels in bread, grains, fruit, veggies, condiments, etc. By eating more organic, non-processed foods we will naturally feel better. 
  5. Check Your Focus – What do you spend your day thinking about? Take your mind off worries by helping someone else. Become a mentor, volunteer, lead or take a class. There’s always someone who has more problems. When we take our mind off ourselves and put it on someone else, it’s amazing how insignificant our worries seem. 


I hope this week’s column has been helpful to you. I know what it’s like to suffer with anxiety and panic attacks. If you have a serious problem, don’t hesitate to get medical assistance. God has given us doctors to help us. I was on medication for a couple of years to help me press through some tough times. During those years, I stayed busy renewing my mind with Scripture. Soon I had the strength and ability to live without anxiety medication. 



Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. ~ Philippians 4:6-7 (Amplified)


Are anxious thoughts creeping in? 


Watch or listen to @HillsongUnited sing Mighty To Save http://youtu.be/-08YZF87OBQ

* Helpful Resources: 
Hope for the Heart Biblical Counseling Keys: Worry – The Joy Stealer by June Hunt
Hope for Today Bible by Joel and Victoria Osteen
Jesus Calling by Sarah Young
The Rule of St. Benedict 
Waiting on God by Andrew Murray

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Virtues ~n~ Vices :: COURAGE


Courage is the most important of the virtues, because without courage you can’t practice any other virtue consistently. ~ Maya Angelou

Virtue: a valued principle of good moral behavior; a holy habit.

Vice: a practice of wrongdoing, essentially corruption of the virtue; unholy habit.

Courage: the ability to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty or intimidation in spite of fear; choosing the morally difficult right over the easier wrong.
Cowardice: the inability to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty or intimidation; 
choosing the easy way out.

Like many of you, I grew up with the lion in The Wizard of Oz as an example of courage and cowardliness. When Dorothy, the Scarecrow and the Tin Man meet the lion he acts like a bully. He thinks by being rough and tough he can hide his true cowardly nature. At the root of cowardliness is fear and selfishness.



When the wizard finally awards the lion his “Courage” medal it’s for an act of bravery in the face of fear and danger, motivated by unselfish love. At the root of true courage is LOVE. 




You may be in the midst of serious personal trials: job loss, marriage and family stress, health issues, financial problems, etc. How can you find courage to press through?


The first and best thing that helps me during trials is God’s Word. The book of Psalms is a wonderful place to start. Many of the psalms were written during times of great pain and suffering. These sweet songs can help supply us with words so in our pain we can find a way to praise the Lord. God knows our heart, if we honestly cry out to Him, He promises to hear and answer.


Another way to find the courage to face our own troubles is to help someone else. When we get our mind off our problems, by sowing a seed of goodness in another person’s life, God will give us the strength to press through our own life struggles.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. ~ Deuteronomy 31:6



Be encouraged! Watch I Will Not Be Moved by @Natalie Grant http://youtu.be/2wu8YM-XDvs

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BOOK REVIEW ~ Feeding Your Appetites: Take Control of What’s Controlling You!



Feeding Your Appetites: 
Take Control of What’s Controlling You! 
by @SteveArterburn
Thomas Nelson Publishers 2006
206 pp





If you’re not familiar with Stephen Arterburn — check him out. He has been an incredibly important influence on me from the early days of my recovery. In fact The Life Recovery Bible, which he edited and produced with David Stoop, saved my life!


Stephen Arterburn is the founder and chairman of New Life Ministries and is the host of the nationally syndicated “New Life Live!” daily radio program. Steve’s also the founder of the Women of Faith conferences and has written over 60 books. This isn’t a Stephen Arterburn advertisement, but I want to put into perspective the value you will get from reading his book.


In Feeding Your Appetites Mr. Arterburn shows us in the beginning, at creation, all our appetites were intended for good. It was only after the fall of man that our natural appetites took on unhealthy purposes.


The career we choose…

  • the way we spend our money
  • how often we want sex and what kind we want
  • the types of friends we build relationships with
  • the amount of champagne we drink at a party  
  • how we prioritize our activities

…all reflect our distinctive appetites and desires. 

Our appetites motivate us to seek fulfillment, but they must be managed or they will lead us into a world of regret and tremendous emotional pain. When an appetite intended to help us survive is managed incorrectly, it may become a trap holding us in a deadly grip. Until we give ourselves and our appetites completely over to God, we will remain trapped. ~ Stephen Arterburn

 

While reading Feeding Your Appetites we will recognize the influences that have led to our poor choices, we will pave new pathways and learn how to fill these natural voids in healthy ways. We will begin to cultivate godly appetites and ultimately live a surrendered life. To ensure our success Stephen has a simple Twelve Step process to help us evaluate our circumstances and map the areas where we’re struggling. Also included is a study guide for use with family or small groups.


If you struggle with appetites that have grown out of control consider reading Feeding Your Appetites by Stephen Arterburn.

An enjoyable read that can bring a better life. I highly recommend it!




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Working the Steps: Step 4




Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

The first time I worked this step was in therapy almost eight years ago. It was shocking to see all my addictions, compulsions and perversions written down on paper. Because much of my life had been lived in a daze of fantasy and denial; it was like reading about someone else.

In Steps One, Two and Three, with the help of the Virtues: Honesty, Hope and Faith, we have submitted to God’s authority over our lives and have converted our doubt and fear into peace with God. In Step 4 we beginning the growth steps, by examining our past behavior we will work towards understanding and eventually finding peace with ourselves.

It’s critical when taking our inventory that we look at our strengths as well as our weaknesses. Often when reflecting on ourselves we focus on the bad things and beat ourselves down with guilt and condemnation. But when we include our strengths in the evaluation we can see the potential for greatness God has put in us which accelerates us forward on our recovery journey.

In the traditional AA Step Four, we take only a moral inventory: weaknesses, wrongs, character defects, faults and shortcomings. In the Christ-centered Celebrate Recovery, Step Four includes also a Spiritual Inventory. Let me clarify with text from the Celebrate Recovery Bible:

Inventory:

  • THE PERSON: List persons or things we resent. (Fear and anger are clues.)
  • THE CAUSE: List specific actions someone took that hurt us. (Why we resent them?)
  • THE EFFECT: List how the specific hurtful action effected us.
  • THE DAMAGE: List how that specific hurtful action still effects us.
  • MY PART: Honestly determine any resentments, sins, or injury we’re responsible for.

Spiritual Inventory:

  • OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHERS: Who hurt us? Are we still holding a grudge? Seeking revenge? Jealous? Bad attitude? Who have I hurt?
  • OUR PRIORITIES IN LIFE: Is there an area of life we’re keeping from God? What have been our life priorities? What was wrong with those priorities? Who did those priorities affect and how?
  • OUR BODY: How have we mistreated our body? Are there activities / habits that caused physical harm?
  • OUR FAMILY: Have we mistreated anyone in our family? Do we owe them amends? What family secret are we denying?
  • OUR CHURCH: Have we been faithful to our church in the past? Have w been critical instead of active and supportive? Have we discouraged our family’s support of their church?

Step Four begins the process of coming clean. With pen and paper in hand, prayerfully ask God to reveal His truth about you to you. Remember, God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. (2Tim. 1:7) With strength given by the Holy Spirit we can push through the denial, past resentments and the fear of acknowledging who and what we have been, to become free and whole in Jesus Christ.

Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord. — Lamentations 3:40

I hope you enjoy the theme song for our Working the Steps series:
Step by Step by @Bryan_Duncan http://youtu.be/swNgb9ya6WM

Resources: Life Recovery Bible, Celebrate Recovery Bible, The Twelve Steps for Christians.

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Coming in April on Reaching Hurting Women…



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Working the Steps: Step 4 
We’ll learn how to take our personal inventories, both moral and spiritual; uncovering weaknesses and balancing them with our strengths.



This month’s book review:
Feeding Your Appetites by Stephen Arterburn
Money, sex, food, work, ego… what’s controlling you?




Virtues~n~Vices: COURAGE Having stepped through our moral and spiritual inventory and tackled what’s controlling our lives; it’s time to climb into the virtue of courage and learn what to do when we lose it.




Healing Hurts: ANXIETY 

Anxiety is an inevitable part of life. Whether stimulated by fear or worry, when life comes at us with both barrels we may go into a panic attack and shut down completely.








See these articles accented by some wonderful praise and worship music on Reaching Hurting Women in April. 


Blessings!

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Healing Hurts :: LONELINESS

In hopes of targeting topics to fit my reader’s needs, I recently took a poll of the hurts women struggle with. My poll listed: depression, anxiety, drug and alcohol abuse, sexual addiction, loneliness, self-hatred, and inferiority. The survey results were interesting, but not surprising.
Loneliness overshadowed all the other struggles listed. 
Using the UCLA Loneliness Scale, AARP surveyed 3012 people over the age of 45 and found 35 percent are chronically lonely compared to 20 percent in a similar survey ten years earlier. 
According to the 2010 Census, 25 percent of American households are maintained by a single person, a dramatic increase from 7 percent in 1940. 
Over half of all Americans report having no close confidant or friends outside their immediate family; 25 percent of American have no meaningful social support at all, not a single person they can confide in!
All this means serious trouble for our health. Lonely people tend to have higher stress levels, exercise less, have more substance abuse, weaker immune systems, and the list goes on.
What is Loneliness? 
Loneliness is a state of sadness resulting from feeling separated from others.
Chronic loneliness is continually feeling disconnected from others; often leads to personal isolation, bitterness and destructive behavior.

Loneliness today seems to come with the job. Not only are more children growing up with single parents, but where there are two parents, often both parents are working with an average commute of 46 minutes. By the time everyone gets home, there’s no time to visit with the neighbor while the kids play outside. We wear busy as a badge while the value of community connection all but disappears.
Alone vs. Lonely  
Being alone refers to the physical state of being separated from others.
Being lonely refers to the emotional feeling of isolation or rejection.
Being alone can be a positive time of creativity or meditation with God.
Being lonely is always negative with feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness. 
What about all my social-media friends and followers? Studies show rather than building community, social-networking sites give a false sense of connection that increases loneliness in people who already feel alone. A lonely woman may get on Facebook and see all the cool things her friends are doing with their exciting vacations, romantic dinners and happy families, she then begins to feel discontent with her own life.
Causes for Loneliness
Situational Loneliness: divorce, death of a loved one, empty nest, loss of job or home, physical disability, major move, illness, aging, abuse, new job, estrangement of family, etc…
Spiritual Loneliness: bad things happen and you feel God has abandoned you.

Social stigmas surround Loneliness. It’s seems acceptable to be on medication for depression, but being lonely often means unwanted, unlovable, unattractive, unintelligent. Loneliness is compounded not only with feeling alone but being alone in that feeling. It seems no one understands.
Some helpful solutions…
  • Ask God for guidance and He will help you!
  • Evaluate your loneliness. Take the UCLA Loneliness Test.
  • Take charge of your feelings; remove negative thoughts and self-talk.
  • Volunteer in your community.
  • Join and get plugged into a local Bible believing church.
  • Reduce work commute to free up time for friends, family and activities.
  • Don’t substitute electronic communication for face time.
  • Take an adult education class, start scrap-booking, knitting or quilting.
  •  Be determined not to isolate. Nurture personal relationships. 
  •  Meet your neighbors. Start a ladies lunch or dinner once a month.
  •  Get the resources listed below. 
  •  Read and memorize Scripture.
  •  Listen to praise and worship music. 


Personally, loneliness is high on my list of struggles. It’s gotten better as I’ve grown in the Lord but it still shows up when I least expect it. I’m not a doctor or a counselor and don’t pretend to have all the answers. The more I researched loneliness the more I discovered what a huge problem it is in our world today. I spent several weeks studying and found volumes of material on the subject. There was no way I could possibly cover all the areas needed so I’ve added a few resources below. 

If you suffer with chronic loneliness and have no one to talk to, please feel free to contact me here. 
The three best resources I found to help with loneliness: 
Worship music helps me most when I’m lonely. Here are some of my favorites. Rest in the Father’s Hands and receive His love for you…


Jesus Culture – All I Need is You http://youtu.be/MvL6evyRFgY


Misty Edwards – My Soul Longs for You http://youtu.be/mWC3J4Wz0wo


Michael W. Smith – More Love, More Power http://youtu.be/MhnmLNfyqY4

Photo Courtesy 123RF Stock Photo

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Virtues~n~Vices: FAITH

Step Out In Faith!



Virtue: a valued principle of good moral behavior; a holy habit

Vice: a practice of wrongdoing, essentially corruption of the virtue; an unholy habit.


Faith: the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen. (Heb.11:1)
Fear: false evidence appearing real.


Whether we believe in God or not, we use faith everyday. You put your faith in electricity when you flipped the switch on the lamp. You put your faith in the chair before you sat down. You put your faith in your car when you started the ignition.

Faith activates God’s power. Fear activates the Satan’s power. 

Faith isn’t a superstitious thing. But to live any kind of godly life, we will need faith and lots of it. The Hebrews definition of faith above is one I’m sure you are familiar with. But I like another definition by my friend Patty:

Faith is God’s mystical gift of love that fills our hearts and minds with the unshakable promise that we have a purpose to our existence. It dispels the darkness and overcomes doubt and fear.

Did you catch that last part? Faith can help us overcome fear. Now that’s good news!


For many people fear can be paralyzing. This distressing sensation brought on by a perceived threat is even used as an escape to avoid life and responsibilities.  Whatever the reason or outcome, fear is a demonic force controlling many lives today.


Fear is more than an emotional feeling. It is a spirit that causes thoughts, that cause feelings which can take us into an area where God doesn’t want us. When we allow fear to control us, we are putting more faith in what the devil says that what God says.


Whose power do we want working in our lives? We have a choice. Let’s choose Faith!


You may ask, “How can I get more faith?” The Bible says faith comes by hearing God’s Word. (Romans 10:17) In today’s world, we have no excuse for not hearing God’s Word. There are more resources available to us that ever before. 


Whether you use the Internet, a Podcast, GoogleTV, a SmartPhone, an iPad or a traditional Bible… Find time to hear God’s Word everyday. I promise, you won’t be sorry!


If you’ve never committed your life to God, please take a moment and give Him every area of your life. The Bible says, if we believe with our heart and confess with our mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord, we will be saved. (Romans 10:9)


Don’t put it off another day. Today is the day of salvation! ~ 2 Corinthians 6:2




Enjoy the music video… Give Me Faith by Elevation Worship

Lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/h/hillsong_united/#share

Excerpts from Christian Virtue by Patty Woodmansee

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BOOK REVIEW: Who Switched Off My Brain? by Dr Caroline Leaf

WHO SWITCHED OFF MY BRAIN? Controlling Toxic Thoughts and Emotions
by @DrCarolineLeaf
Published by Inprov, Ltd.
2009
175 pp

I’ve read countless books and have never gotten more excited. Not just about the book, but the topic, the science, and the implications this information can have on emotional and physical healing.

With creative schematics and easy to understand layman’s language, Dr. Caroline Leaf explains the fascinating brain science behind why and how our thoughts effect every area of our physical bodies down to the cellular level. She has an amazing talent for teaching both the scientific and spiritual aspects of the brain with incredible clarity.


Proving with science what Scripture has been saying for thousands of years. 

For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. ~ Proverbs 23:7 AMP

Who among us doesn’t struggle with our thought life? 

Leading us out of distress, Dr. Leaf reveals The Dirty Dozen ~ 12 specific areas of toxic thinking in our lives:

  • Toxic Thoughts
  • Toxic Emotions
  • Toxic Words
  • Toxic Choices
  • Toxic Dreams
  • Toxic Seeds
  • Toxic Faith
  • Toxic Love
  • Toxic Touch
  • Toxic Seriousness
  • Toxic Health
  • Toxic Schedules

Having recognized our toxic thought patterns we learn how to sweep our brains, step by step detoxing each area of our thoughts. By gathering, reflecting, journaling, revisiting, and reaching, we reprogram our minds to build a secure foundation for the change, health and wholeness we desire.


“Who Switched Off My Brain?” is interesting, educational, enlightening, entertaining, spiritually relevant… a step by step process that leads to physical and emotional healing!

An honest to goodness page turner. I literally couldn’t put it down once I started!

I highly recommend Who Switched Off My Brain?” by Dr Caroline Leaf.

Here is a video of Joyce Meyer interviewing Dr. Caroline Leaf. 
Click here for another part of their interview.