REACHING HURTING WOMEN MINISTRIES

In The Twelve Steps to Victory column, we’re reframing the traditional 12 Steps with a focus on victory vs continually looking back at our missteps and failures. Each Step aligns with the months on the yearly calendar. This series publishes on the first Friday of each month in 2025.

My victory didn’t begin with breakthrough—it began with brokenness.

We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings, trusting that His help would lead us to victory. ~ Step Seven

When Change Feels Like Breaking

In 2004, early in my recovery journey, I wasn’t prepared for how hard—or how painful—the process of change would be, nor how long it would take.

There were so many layers that needed to be made new and clean. My victory didn’t begin with a quick breakthrough—it began with brokenness.

My Heart Had Turned to Stone

I can’t remember exactly when it happened, but sometime in 2004, God showed me a vision of my heart. It had turned to stone.

He showed me that in order for healing to take place, He had to throw my stone heart down and shatter it into pieces.

He told me this was the only way He could reshape me. The old had to be broken first before the new could be created.

It was a very painful process. Not long after this, I began a routine of getting on my face before the Lord each morning and asking Him to keep me soft and pliable in His loving hands.

Because I don’t ever want to go through that again.

I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. ~ Ezekiel 36:26

Trusting God in the Unfamiliar

This was a very humbling, confusing, and lonely time.

Thankfully, it wasn’t long before I found my first Life Recovery Bible. Once I got that Bible, everything began to make sense.

Through it, I began to understand God’s promises, and I felt less alone.

God totally used the Life Recovery Bible to shape my new heart and life by His Word!

He who began a good work in you will carry it out to completion. ~ Philippians 1:6

Humble Surrender

While most times we don’t even know what needs to be removed or reshaped within us until God reveals it, we can trust that as we humbly surrender to His sovereign will and purpose, that in the end, His work in us will lead to our good and His glory.

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up. ~ James 4:10

You Can Trust Him with the Process

Dear friend, if you are in the breaking process, know this—you are not being destroyed, you are being remade!

Trusting God for change means we must let go of what we think should happen and lean into what God knows we need.

This process to victory is one built through surrender, not striving.

A Prayer and a Promise

Friend, please pray this with me…

Lord, even when it hurts, I trust You to change me into what You want me to be. Break what needs breaking. Remove anything that hinders. Shape my heart for victory. In Jesus’ mighty name we pray! Amen.

Remember: While the process may be unfamiliar, you can trust the One who is leading you is faithful! His heart is for you!

On the fourth Friday of each month in 2025, we’re studying The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee. Join me as we confront the enemy’s lies of self-doubt and find our victory in the truth of who we are according to God’s Word!

We’ve uncovered some deep truths over the last several months in this study. In Chapter 5: Approval Addict, we identified the exhausting need for validation from others. This month, in Chapter 6: God’s Answer – Reconciliation, we find freedom from that need in the powerful truth that we have already been fully accepted by God through Jesus Christ.

Summary: Chapter Six – God’s Answer: Reconciliation

In this chapter, McGee explains that God’s solution to our craving for approval is reconciliation—a restored relationship with Himself through Christ. Instead of striving to gain acceptance from people (which is always conditional and unstable), we can rest in the unchanging truth that God has already accepted us completely and unconditionally. Through reconciliation, the hostility and distance caused by sin is gone, and we are invited into intimacy, peace, and security with God. Our need for human approval fades in the light of His unwavering acceptance.

“We are not working our way toward God’s love—we are already embraced by it.” – Paraphrase from Robert S. McGee

Biblical Truths

1. 2 Corinthians 5:18–19 – “All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation… not counting people’s sins against them.”
  - God has restored our relationship with Him through Christ, removing all barriers of sin and shame.
2. Romans 5:10–11 – “For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to Him through the death of His Son… how much more… shall we be saved through His life!”
  - Even when we were far from God, He pursued us and made reconciliation possible.
3. Colossians 1:21–22 – “Once you were alienated from God and were enemies… but now He has reconciled you… to present you holy in His sight, without blemish.”
4. We are not defined by our past or our sin—we are made blameless through reconciliation.

Key Idea

You are not trying to earn your way back to God. He has already drawn you near through reconciliation in Christ. His approval is not something to be achieved—it’s already been given.

Reflection Question

Where in your life are you still striving for acceptance—from others, or even from God? What would it look like to fully embrace His reconciliation and rest in being completely accepted?

Practical Application

1. Receive the Gift – Spend 5–10 minutes each day in quiet reflection, simply thanking God that you are already accepted and reconciled through Christ. Let it soak into your soul.
2. Release Human Approval – Write down a few ways you seek acceptance from others (people-pleasing, overcommitting, fear of rejection). Then, surrender them in prayer, one by one.
3. Practice Reconciliation – Is there someone in your life you’re distant from? Ask God for the courage to take a first step toward peace—whether through prayer, a message, or simply letting go of past hurt.

My Personal Reflections

Reconciliation has been one of the most healing truths I’ve ever encountered. For years, I operated under the belief that I had to perform, prove, and please my way into being “enough”—even for God. I knew Jesus had saved me, but I still secretly felt like I had to keep Him impressed to stay in His good graces.

But the truth is, Jesus already made the way for me to be fully accepted. I don’t have to earn God’s love—it’s already mine. That realization continues to soften my heart and settle my spirit. It’s also helping me extend grace to others in my life, especially where there’s been distance or misunderstanding. Reconciliation with God opens the door to healing in all our relationships.

Friend, if you’ve been wearing yourself out trying to win love or approval—from people, or even from God—please hear this: You already have it. You are fully known, deeply loved, and completely accepted in Christ. Nothing you do can add to that. Nothing you fail to do can take it away.

Next month, we’ll explore Chapter 7: The Blame Game and uncover how guilt and shame keep us stuck—but also how God has already made a way out through His forgiveness.

Until then, remember:
Come as you are. You are reconciled. You are at peace. You are home. 💗