Fantasy Shockwaves

Fantasy shock waves send out ripple effects into the reality of our lives.

In today’s culture many see sexual fantasies as normal and harmless. Women who read romance novels or watch soap operas, who meet people anonymously on Internet chat rooms or are addicted to pornography, spend large amounts of time in fantasy.

As a recovering sex addict I know the power fantasies can have. For years I lived in a continual state of fantasy. It could be a simple daydream because I was attracted to someone, all the way to a full blown sexual fantasy where I planned every step needed to get that person in bed and what I would do once I got them there. Looking back I don’t know how I functioned in my daily life.

Over time I learned if I focused on a fantasy long enough I was able to make it come true. The ripple effects of my fantasies became extremely destructive, not only to my own well-being but to my marriage and my entire family. Sadly my fantasy life became so pervasive it sent shock waves that destroyed the reality I was constantly trying to escape. I lost my job, my car, my family and even my freedom for a time.

Dreams and vision can be good if our focus is healthy and lines up with God’s will for our life. We must be careful that what we imagine is what we really want. Our fantasies may come to pass, bringing with them unknown ripple effects, sending destructive shockwaves that could take years to repair. It took over 10 years to repair the damage made due to one particular fantasy I pushed into reality.

Don’t think for a minute that you can get away with these “harmless” fantasies. If you continue giving them power in your life, it’s only a matter of time before they will take over.

We must make a covenant not only with our eyes but with our mind.  Let’s be committed to live out what Philippians 4:8 tells us ~ think on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy.

Photo courtesy 123RF Stock Photos

Remorse vs Godly Sorrow

As addicts we sometimes confuse remorse with sorrow. Because sex addiction includes activities that are kept secret, often times guilty feelings and remorse only come about when we’ve been caught. Many of us grew up in a shame based environment and because of that, shame is usually felt even before guilt or remorse. But we must go beyond these feelings to get to true healing.

Once our sexual sins are exposed, our lives will never be the same. We may have lost our job, our home, maybe even our family. Family members who have been hurt by our sexual sin may turn from us even when we try to make amends. We may tell them we are sorry, but that doesn’t mean we have changed. In the bible, God did not respond to the people when they were sorry for their wrong. He only responded when their remorse led to a change in their hearts and behavior.

We must take a sincere and honest look at ourselves. The sin in our heart that causes the outward behavior must be exposed. Any secret sin kept hidden will continue to hold power over us. When we finally expose our sinful hearts to the Light of God’s healing Spirit and Power He will reveal to us our inner wickedness. Only then can He heal our hearts, minds and soul. Then we will experience true godly sorrow, not just worldly remorse.

David spoke from a truly repentant heart when he wrote:

Have mercy on me, O God because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins. Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sins. For I recognize my shameful deeds–they haunt me day and night. Against you, and you alone have I sinned. …Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me…Restore to me again the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you. The sacrifice you want is a broken spirit. A broken and repentant heart, O God, you will not despise.— Psalm 51:1-4; 10, 12, 17 NLT

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