The Twelve Steps to Victory – Page 2 – REACHING HURTING WOMEN MINISTRIES

In The Twelve Steps to Victory column, we’re reframing the traditional 12 Steps with a focus on victory vs continually looking back at our missteps and failures. Each Step aligns with the months on the yearly calendar. This series publishes on the first Friday of each month in 2025.

We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it, seeking victory in constant self-examination. ~ Step 10

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you and lead me along the path of everlasting life. —Psalm 139:23–24 (NLT)

We’ve come a long way on this victory journey. By Step 10, we’ve faced the truth, made amends, and begun walking in freedom. But victory isn’t a destination—it’s a daily decision. Step 10 reminds us to stay honest with ourselves and God, one day at a time. This simple but powerful step protects the progress we’ve made and keeps our hearts tender and teachable.

At its core, Step 10 is a daily practice of spiritual honesty. It comes from the traditional wording: “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” In our journey toward spiritual victory, it means we remain open to correction, quick to confess, and eager to stay aligned with God’s truth. We don’t wait until we’ve drifted miles off course—we check in daily to make small course corrections, keeping our hearts in sync with the Holy Spirit.

Without ongoing self-examination, old patterns can creep back in. Resentment, fear, or pride may resurface if we’re not paying attention. But grace gives us the courage to face ourselves honestly. This isn’t about shaming ourselves—it’s about inviting the Lord to shine His gentle light into our hearts. When we respond to conviction instead of resisting it, we grow stronger in truth and steadier in grace.

Whether through journaling, prayer, or a quiet moment before bed, these questions keep our hearts soft. If something needs to be made right, we take care of it promptly. If all is well, we give thanks and rest in peace. Step 10 is less about perfection and more about staying responsive—keeping short accounts and open communication with the Lord.

Victory doesn’t come from getting everything right—it comes from staying honest and humble. When we commit to living this way, we walk in the freedom Jesus died to give us. Step 10 invites us to live with nothing hidden, hearts wide open before God, walking one honest day at a time toward lasting spiritual victory.

🕊 Step 10 Reflection: Staying Honest with God and Myself

A Simple Evening Examen for Victory

Step 1: Ask God to bring to your awareness the moment today for which you are most grateful.
✧ If you could relive one moment from today, which one would it be?
✧ When were you most able to give and receive love today?
✧ What was said or done in that moment that made it so good?
→ Breathe in the gratitude you felt and receive life again from that moment.

Step 2: Ask God to show you the moment today for which you are least grateful.
✧ When were you least able to give and receive love?
✧ What was said or done that made that moment difficult?
✧ How did it feel—emotionally, physically, spiritually?
→ Take deep breaths and let God’s love meet you there, just as you are.

Step 3: Offer it all to God.
✧ Thank Him for walking with you through it all.
✧ Ask for grace where you need healing, courage, or change.
✧ If helpful, share your reflections with a trusted friend or sponsor.

I know I’ve shared this song earlier this year, but it still captures the cry of Step 10 better than anything else I’ve found. I pray it speaks even deeper to your heart this time around. Be blessed! ❤️

In The Twelve Steps to Victory column, we’re reframing the traditional 12 Steps with a focus on victory vs continually looking back at our missteps and failures. Each Step aligns with the months on the yearly calendar. This series publishes on the first Friday of each month in 2025.

We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others, realizing that victory requires responsibility. ~ Step 9

There’s a unique ache that comes from knowing we’ve wounded someone we love. Whether it was a harsh word spoken in anger, a betrayal rooted in fear, or years of distance from pride—we carry that pain like a stone in our soul.

But God, in His kindness, does not ask us to ignore it or be crushed by it. Instead, He invites us to take responsibility—with grace.

In Step 9, we move beyond internal confession (Step 5) and readiness (Step 8) into relational restoration. This is where healing begins to ripple outward—when we humbly make amends for the harm we’ve caused, not to demand forgiveness, but to reflect the heart of Jesus.

The Heart of God in Restoration

God is always drawing His people toward reconciliation. Jesus said:

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you,
leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”
— Matthew 5:23–24 NIV

The Lord cares so deeply about broken relationships that He prioritizes restoration even above worship rituals. That’s how sacred amends are to Him.

But God also understands that not all situations are safe. Step 9 includes a key phrase: “except when to do so would injure them or others.”
This isn’t a loophole—it’s a call for Spirit-led wisdom.

Grace-Filled Responsibility

Making amends isn’t about groveling or trying to fix people’s memories. It’s about being obedient to God and honest about our part. That’s why this step requires courage, humility, and grace.

It is not:

- A demand to be forgiven
- A way to manipulate or justify past behavior
- A quick fix for lingering shame

It is:

- An act of obedience
- A demonstration of maturity
- A channel of peace for your soul

Sometimes the most gracious thing we can do is live differently moving forward—especially if direct contact would be harmful.

Real-Life Examples of Making Amends

- In person – A heartfelt apology with no excuses: “I know I hurt you, and I’m truly sorry.”
- In writing – A letter to someone who won’t speak with you, or who has passed away, can bring release.
- Through action – Ongoing changed behavior can be a living amends that speaks louder than words.

Zacchaeus stood and said, ‘Look, Lord! Here and now, I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody…I will pay back four times the amount. — Luke 19:8 NIV

Peace in Obedience, Not Outcomes

Not every door will swing open. Some people won’t accept your apology. Some won’t believe your change. And some may never respond at all.

But victory is not measured by their response.
It’s measured by your obedience.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. — Romans 12:18 NIV

Closing Encouragement

God sees your willingness. He honors your humility.
And when you take responsibility with grace, you reflect Jesus—who took responsibility for sins He didn’t even commit, all for the sake of reconciliation.

He is your model.
He is your strength.
He is your peace.

As we reflect on what it means to take responsibility with grace, we must remember that our healing and hope don’t come from our efforts—they flow from the holiness and mercy of God. Even when we fall short, He remains faithful. The following worship video, “Holy Forever” by Chris Tomlin, lifts our eyes from the weight of our past to the beauty of His presence. Let these lyrics wash over you as a reminder: the One who calls us to restoration is holy, loving, and forever worthy of our trust.