Step 8 – REACHING HURTING WOMEN MINISTRIES

In The Twelve Steps to Victory column, we’re reframing the traditional 12 Steps with a focus on victory vs continually looking back at our missteps and failures. Each Step aligns with the months on the yearly calendar. This series publishes on the first Friday of each month in 2025.

“We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. — Step Eight

Do to others as you would have them do to you. — Luke 6:31 NIV

🛤️ Victory Focus
In Step Eight, we turn our hearts toward others by becoming willing to make things right. This step is not about taking immediate action (that comes in Step Nine), but about cultivating the attitude of humility and readiness. We surrender pride, self-justification, and fear—asking God to prepare us to take full responsibility for the damage we’ve caused in our relationships. True freedom requires reconciliation, and reconciliation begins with willingness.

🪞Reflective Insight
This step often surfaces deep discomfort. Facing the wreckage we’ve caused—whether intentionally or unintentionally—requires courage and grace. Many of us have held onto bitterness, justified our actions, or lived in denial. But God does not call us to shame—He calls us to healing. Willingness is the bridge between conviction and action. We ask Him to soften our hearts and remove anything that keeps us from walking in truth and love. Healing in our relationships begins here.

🕊️ A Prayer for Step Eight

Lord Jesus, soften my heart and make me willing. Help me see others through Your eyes—those I’ve hurt and those who’ve hurt me. I lay down my defenses and excuses, and I ask You to give me courage to make things right. Create in me a clean heart. Prepare the way for reconciliation and lead me to walk it with humility and grace. In Your Name. Amen.

🖊️ Personal Reflection
Before we can make amends, we must first be honest—with ourselves and with God. Journaling is a powerful tool for that kind of heart work. As you prayerfully reflect on these prompts, allow the Holy Spirit to gently uncover anything hidden and stir a willingness within you to move forward in grace and truth. These questions aren’t about rushing to action—they’re about preparing your heart for healing.

- - Who have I hurt through my actions, words, or neglect?
  - Am I truly willing to make amends to each one on my list? If not, why?
  - What fears, resentments, or pride might be keeping me from this willingness?
  - How does Jesus’ love for me encourage me to love others—even those I’ve wronged?

🎵 Worship Reflection
As we grow willing to make amends, we must first surrender our right to stay hurt, to stay hidden, or to stay in control. True willingness begins with letting go—of pride, fear, excuses, and every burden we’ve been carrying. “Make Room” is a powerful worship invitation to do just that. Let this song lead you into a moment of open-hearted surrender, where healing can begin and the Holy Spirit can do what only He can do.

Without good direction, people lose their way; the more wise counsel you follow, the better your chances. ~ Proverbs 11:14 (MSG)

One of the most important principles Benedict tries to teach us on this humility path is that we should be willing to be taught by anyone of any age. Being teachable isn’t just a challenge for the young in our culture. Many of us in the older generation also struggle with being taught by others.

Having re-entered the corporate workforce in my sixth decade of life, I find most of the people in charge are the age of my adult children or even younger. This can be quite off-putting some days.

A good measure of our moldable-ness is how we accept correction.

To be honest, when I first took this job in 2016 it was quite difficult to be supervised by a woman who was younger than my daughter. It proved my own lack of humility. Here I was writing a book on humility and struggling with it almost on a daily basis.

God has a weird sense of humor some days. He likes to put me directly in the lesson that needs to be learned not through a book but in the trenches of life!

For most of us our community isn’t a monastery with an abbess who leads us. My work community is a financial institution with managers and customers. Our life communities: cities, states and countries have managers and citizens. In each of these communities there are people who lead and those who need to follow the leaders.

God gives us leaders for a reason. They are His authority representatives and we are to see them as such. When we lose sight of this value our work places and communities will break down. I believe we’re experiencing this more than ever in our culture today.

Being moldable and teachable isn’t a sign of weakness. On the contrary, it is a sign of strength, faith and trust. The challenge is to make sure the person who is molding us is following God’s direction and Biblical values.

The best place to start is to totally surrender myself to God so that He can make me what He wants me to be. As I do, my heart will be more open to the directions that come from and through the authority figures in my daily life.