RECOVERY REFRAMED || Why We Run to Substitutes

Recovery Reframed looks at the deeper reasons why we run to certain behaviors when we’re hurting. Each month, we’ll explore a different struggle and how Christ can help us overcome it. New posts release on the first Friday of every month in 2026.

 

We all run somewhere when life hurts.

Some women run toward people.
Some run toward food or shopping.
Some run toward behaviors they never talk about out loud.
And some quietly live in cycles of shame, trying to fix themselves while hiding the very places that need healing.

Most of us were never taught why we run.
We only learned how to survive.

The truth is simple and human:

We run to substitutes when our hearts are hurting, lonely, overwhelmed, or afraid.
And most of the time, we don’t even realize we’re doing it.

 


The Wounds Beneath Our Behaviors

Every woman carries stories she doesn’t tell.

You may carry:

    • childhood pain
    • family dysfunction
    • fear of abandonment
    • people-pleasing patterns
    • emotional exhaustion
    • secrets you’ve never had words for
    • responsibilities you never asked for
    • faith wounds you don’t know how to name

These wounds don’t make us weak.
They make us human.

And when life gets heavy, our hearts reach for soothing, not sin.
We look for anything—anything—that might quiet the ache.

The behavior is not the problem.
The pain beneath the behavior is.


When Coping Quietly Turns Into Bondage

Most addictions and compulsive behaviors don’t start loudly.
They start quietly.

A glass of wine to relax.
A late-night scroll to escape.
A relationship that fills a void.
A secret habit that numbs shame.
A shopping trip that lifts the mood—just for a moment.
A bite of something comforting at the end of a hard day.
A show, a fantasy, a distraction.

Just a little relief.
Just a few minutes.
Just a break from thinking or feeling.

But over time, what comforts us begins to control us.

And what we ran to for peace becomes another place of stress, guilt, and disappointment.

You’re not alone if you’ve been there.
We all have.


God Doesn’t Shame the Places We Run — He Meets Us There

One of the greatest lies the enemy whispers is:

“If people knew what you struggle with, they’d reject you.”

But Jesus does the opposite.

He moves toward the hurting.
Toward the hiding.
Toward the ashamed.
Toward the brokenhearted.

Psalm 34:18 tells us:

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Close.

Not disappointed.
Not distant.
Not disgusted.
Close.

The places we try to hide from Him are the very places He longs to heal.


Recovery Isn’t About Trying Harder — It’s About Letting God In

Many women assume recovery means:

    • try harder
    • pray more
    • stop the behavior
    • have more willpower
    • get it together
    • be a “better Christian”

But recovery in Christ looks different.

Recovery in Christ means:

    • letting Jesus into the wounded places
    • learning to name our pain
    • discovering healthier ways to cope
    • receiving grace
    • practicing honesty
    • accepting support
    • walking step by step, not all at once

The behaviors we’ll talk about this year—sexual addiction, relationship addiction, pornography, eating struggles, compulsive spending, substance use, codependency, gambling, social media addiction, and self-harm—are not the enemy.

They are signals.
Signals that something deeper needs comfort, healing, and connection.

God doesn’t heal the symptom first.
He heals the story underneath.


A New Way to See Your Struggle This Year

This year, as you read each column, I want you to remember this:

You are not your struggle.
You are not your behavior.
You are not the worst thing you’ve ever done or the hardest thing you battle.

You are a woman loved by God.
A woman who is learning new rhythms.
A woman who is healing, even if it feels slow.
A woman Jesus calls by name—not by shame.

This year is not about perfection.
It’s about presence.
His presence with you.
Your presence with Him.

One honest month at a time.
One gentle step at a time.


You Don’t Have to Walk Alone

If today’s topic touched a tender place in your story, please know you don’t have to walk this road alone. Healing often grows deeper when we walk with others. A Christ-centered support community like Celebrate Recovery may be a helpful next step. They offer safe groups for women where you will find encouragement, accountability, and hope. Explore locations and resources at: celebraterecovery.com.

A Soft Prayer for Your Heart 

Lord Jesus.
I bring You the places I run when I’m hurting.
I bring You the feelings I hide and the struggles I don’t want to admit.
Meet me gently.
Heal the wounds beneath my behaviors.
Show me that You are enough, and that I am safe with You.
Walk with me through each month of this journey.
Thank You that You never shame me—you rescue me, restore me, and stay close to my heart.
Amen.

Before you go, take a moment to breathe and receive this healing worship. “I Speak Jesus” by Charity Gayle is the theme song for this series — a simple, powerful declaration of hope, freedom, and the gentle presence of Christ over every wounded place in our lives.

MY VICTORY VOYAGE || Love’s New Chapter

In MY VICTORY VOYAGE I’m sharing various trials I’ve faced and how God’s faithfulness has carried me through. Join me on the 2nd Friday of each month in 2025 as we reflect on His restoration and grace.

After 46 years of marriage, my husband and I have weathered many seasons together — raising children, navigating career changes, relocating across states, and all the ordinary joys and sorrows that life brings. But we had never worked together — not really — until this year, when we stepped into the unfamiliar territory of launching a business side by side.

What a surprise it has been!

I imagined we’d be a dream team. I know his strengths. He knows mine. We love each other deeply and have a long history of loyalty and support. What could go wrong?

As it turns out, merging marriage with a start-up is no small thing!

The reality of working together exposed a whole new layer of challenge in our relationship. Our differences became more glaring. Our communication styles clashed. I like plans, lists, and structure. He thrives in spontaneous bursts of creativity. I want clarity and timelines. He prefers brainstorming and vision casting. At times, I felt frustrated. At times, I’m sure I frustrated him.

There were moments when I silently wondered, Lord, did we make a mistake? 

But it was in those raw, unguarded moments that God gently stepped in. Not with condemnation — but with invitation. An invitation to deeper grace. To slower responses. To less control and more trust. An invitation to love not just with comfort and warmth, but with courage and sacrifice.

We began to pray more intentionally — not just for our business, but for each other. I asked the Lord to help me see my husband through His eyes — not as a co-worker or business partner, but as the man I’ve loved for over four decades. The man He is still shaping. And I began to ask the Lord to shape me too.

I’ve come to see that this new chapter — though unexpected and sometimes uncomfortable — is actually a gift. It’s a sacred classroom. A proving ground for patience. A fresh invitation to humility. And surprisingly… it’s drawing us closer. Not just to each other, but to the Lord.

The Word says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: if either of them falls down, one can help the other up” (Ecclesiastes 4:9–10). We are learning, day by day, what it means to help each other up — in business, in marriage, in faith. We are learning to honor one another above ourselves (Romans 12:10), to clothe our efforts in love (Colossians 3:14), and to cover each other’s shortcomings with grace (1 Peter 4:8).

This new chapter of love doesn’t look like the earlier days — giddy romance and youthful ease. It’s quieter, deeper, more intentional. And as hard as it’s been at times, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Because God is not just building a business through us. He’s building a testimony.

And our testimony is rooted in love — real, resilient, surrendered love — the kind that still says yes after 46 years, and by God’s grace, will keep saying yes in the chapters yet to come.

🎵 I Speak Jesus – Charity Gayle & Michael W. Smith (Live)
On the morning of this writing, we sang this song in worship… and today, we’ve witnessed a powerful shift — both in our family and in our work. I truly believe it’s because we’ve been speaking the name of Jesus over it all. If you need breakthrough, peace, or healing in your own life, let this song wash over you.