Healing Hurts – Page 2 – REACHING HURTING WOMEN MINISTRIES

It’s true during this season of the year we attend holiday functions that encourage unhealthy eating habits. But this column is more about a deep seated problem of overeating, using food as a comfort to cope with loneliness or stress.

I love the photograph to the right. It tells such a story…

After a long day at work a young woman comes home to her lonely apartment. She changes immediately into her pajamas and curls up with her favorite television program. Soon the food commercials drive her to the kitchen. Instead of cooking a healthy dinner she ends up binging on junk food late into the night. With her body full of carbohydrates she passes out on the sofa waking to a sugar hangover not unlike that caused by alcohol.

What’s at the root of overeating?

Our drive to eat is a necessity for our survival, but we must have a healthy relationship with food so that it doesn’t take over our mind and eventually our life. Getting to the root of our actions requires locating our feelings at the time of acting out. We must ask ourselves:

What am I feeling when I want to eat? Am I lonely? Tired? Bored? Sad? Angry?
Can I redirect these feelings into a healthier activity?

This addiction is so closely related to my own struggle with sexual addiction that it’s hard to separate the two in my head. Like most addictions, I think overeating starts with a bad habit and continues out of shear boredom. If we can find our way to self-awareness, to enjoy the present moment without the need to anesthetizes ourselves in some way, maybe we are closer to a solution.

As always if you struggle with this or any other issue discussed on my blog, please don’t stay in your pain alone. Reach out to a trusted friend or family member, counselor or pastor. There are many great community resources available to help you. Also, don’t hesitate to email me: tamara@reachinghurtingwomen.com and I will do what I can to direct you to an answer.

Blessings… and Merry Christmas!

The sex addiction discussion is a hot topic in the media with personal stories of Hollywood celebrities. But not everyone is convinced someone can really be addicted to sex. And if you are, what’s the big deal?

You might be thinking… “It would be awesome to be married to a sex addict!”

Think again…

Growing up I had a front row seat in real world sex addiction training. My father was a high functioning alcoholic, which means he could stay sober during the day to manage his career but when off work he was usually drinking and chasing women. His addiction to pornography was no secret with a Playboy calendar hanging above the bathroom scales in our only bathroom. His sexual exploits also had no boundaries. He brazenly sought out women in front of me; he carried on affairs with my co-workers and my college roommate with no shame. Tragically, I acted out all these behaviors and worse in my own sex addicted life.

When children grow up with addictions and become addicts themselves, they usually take the dysfunctions a step further. I certainly took my addictions and perversions to more destructive levels than my father. With no regard for my family or friends, sadly I passed down the painful effects of sexual addiction to the next generation.

What is sex addiction? Sex Addiction is an unhealthy coping mechanism characterized by a set of escalating, compulsive behaviors which result repeatedly in negative consequences.

What are the symptoms for sex addiction?

A recurring pattern of sexual fantasies, urges and behaviors lasting six months or longer.
A pattern of sexual activity in response to depression; repeatedly using sex to cope with stress.
Inability to reduce or stop the sexual activities believed to be problematic.
Evidence of “personal distress” caused by the behavior: interference with relationships or work.

How can I know if I’m a sex addict? While this online screening test is very comprehensive and helpful, I highly recommend you seek professional help. You cannot overcome this bondage on your own. Trust me. I tried! Women’s Sexual Addiction Screening Test

I remember the day I realized I was a sex addict. I was so full of shame and guilt. I didn’t know how to face my family and friends. I didn’t know how I could ever turn back to God. How could He ever love me again after the horrible things I had done.

God loves us in spite of what we have done. Believe it or not, He was there when we did those terrible things. That’s a thought that I can’t stand to think.

No matter what phase you’re in in the addictive cycle, whether you’re fantasizing about your next sexual encounter or suffering with guilt and shame after last acting out — help is available now! Freedom from this desperate downward spiral is possible!

Please don’t stay in your pain alone! Contact me on the Reaching Hurting Women FaceBook Page. I can help you start the healing process.