REACHING HURTING WOMEN MINISTRIES

I’m honored to have my newest friend in ministry, Julie Sibert guest blogging today. I know you will be blessed with her encouraging words as we continue this month’s focus on hope.

I spoke recently at a conference where we addressed the “seasons of marriage.” Fortunately, I was involved in the planning of the conference, so I could snag “spring” as the season I would cover.

Who doesn’t love the spring times in marriage?

Listening to the other speakers, though, I was most impacted by a married couple that shared about the “winter” seasons of marriage – those times that are plagued by miscommunication, difficulty, devastation and discouragement.

As anyone who has been married knows, it really isn’t a matter of ifwinter comes; it’s usually only a matter of when. All marriages oscillate through ups and downs, with some “seasons” lasting longer than others.

And even if you are not married, you are wise enough to recognize that winter is not reserved for married folk. All of us experience desolate times, when finding a nugget of hope feels about as easy as finding a lost earring that you didn’t even know was lost until weeks after it disappeared.

What’s a woman to do when discouraged? Here are three suggestions:

1. Don’t isolate from God.

Sounds easy enough, right, when all you really want to do is pull the covers over your head? But isolation and discouragement do not make for good bedfellows.

Get real with God about your sheer frustration and discouragement. Don’t try to guard your heart from Him (as if that would be possible anyway), but rather share with Him everything you are feeling, even the really ugly stuff.

As we’ve likely heard, God is indeed a big God. He longs for us to cast our cares upon Him. He is a steady place to lean when we feel hopeless, even if “leaning” just looks like a lot of tears, runny noses and brokenness.

2. Cling to safe confidantes.

The key word here is “safe.” I believe we each need 2-3 other people in our life who will receive us right where we are, pray with us and speak from a place that is rooted in godly counsel.

And this next point is crucial – women need women confidantes and men need men confidantes. It is dangerous ground when a distraught discouraged woman seeks refuge in a male friend who is not her husband.

The boundary lines can – and likely will – become hazy. When we are discouraged, we are blind to some of our weaknesses and can easily find ourselves entertaining ideas or misconstruing circumstances. It’s just a dangerous road, so you might as well avoid it all together.

Gals, stick with your safe women friends.

3. Clear your schedule.

When some people are discouraged, they do the exact opposite of isolate – they instead consume themselves with busyness. Sadly, we have even heard this as advice – “you just need to keep yourself busy.” (I heard it from well-meaning people when I was going through the loss of my first marriage).

I think there is a tipping point, though, where busyness becomes a misguided attempt to mask authentic pain.

When I am most discouraged, I need the Lord, my close confidantes and space. An overflowing calendar tends to just compound exhaustion and discouragement.

A more sensible approach is to cut back where you can cut back and extend yourself grace in this, so that you have room to reflect and get your bearings.

Though the winter times come in all of our lives, the truth is that spring is on the horizon. We have to believe that, though, and walk or crawl in that direction. The Lord and your friends will help – if you let them.

Julie Sibert writes and speaks about sexual intimacy in marriage. You can follow her blog at www.IntimacyInMarriage.com and on Twitter @Intimacy4Life. She lives in Omaha, Nebraska, with her husband, their two boys and one rambunctious German Shorthair Pointer puppy who refuses to stay in the fence.

According to the Mayo Clinic about twice as many women as men experience depression. Let’s examine a few factors that increase a woman’s risk of depression.

Puberty: emerging sexuality and identity issues; parental conflicts; school pressures
Premenstrual problems: cyclical hormones changes disrupts brain chemicals that control moods.
Pregnancy: hormonal changes affect moods; mixed feelings about pregnancy; relationship issues
Postpartum depression: anxiety, inability to care for baby, thoughts of suicide
Perimenopause and menopause: erratically fluctuating hormone levels

Aside from hormone and chemical imbalances, all too often we allow life situations and culture to send us into anxiety and depression. When life isn’t going our way we may throw an emotional temper tantrum because God isn’t doing things our way. In time the anger takes root and grows into depression.

As Christian women, how can we overcome anxiety and depression?

Give up the illusion of control.
We must realize only God has the power to control how our lives play out.

Let your emotions lead you to ask questions.

Rather than ignore the depression, face your feelings and ask, “What’s going on? Why do I feel this way?”

Turn worries into prayers.

When anxiety hits, pray! Unlike worry, prayer accomplishes something positive.

Discipline your mind.

Think about what you’re thinking about! Instead of problems focus on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. (Phil.4:8) You can’t be depressed and do this!

Don’t blame illness when the problem is poor choices.

Half our problems we bring on ourselves by bad decisions we’ve made. Taking responsibility for our attitudes and actions leads to maturity and healing.

Exercise discernment considering medication.

Pray for wisdom to discern emotional stress from a true medical condition.

Check to see if physical symptoms are tied to feelings.

Are you sleeping, have stomach problems, headaches, etc… See a doctor if physical symptoms continue.

Let go of what you cant change, change what you can.

Stop trying to change things that are out of your control. Let go and let God!

Look for meaning in your suffering.

Ask God to help you learn what He wants you to learn in your time of trouble, so that you can help others in the future.

Pray for the right perspective.

Ask God to show you His perspective on the situations that are troubling you. This will help you make better choices.

Forget about suicide!

More than anything else, if you are considering suicide, PLEASE TALK TO SOMEONE! Know that there is always hope. Turn to God and trust Him with your life. Things will get better.

Make time for rest and relaxation.

Overwork, lack of sleep can cause a great deal of anxiety and depression. Take time to enjoy life, play games, soak in a hot bath, walk the dogs… Whatever can help you relax… Do it!

Change the way you talk to yourself.

We must recognize the negative recordings that play in our head. To change them, find scriptures that you can write into declarations and speak them over your life. If you don’t know any, email me and I’ll send you some!

Tap into the power of forgiveness.

Often we can forgive others, but can’t forgive ourselves. Ask God to show you any area where you need help with forgiveness.

Draw strength from Scripture.

Most importantly, let the Truth of God’s Word refresh your mind and soul. Read, study and meditate on Scripture daily. It will make you glad!

Take a few moments and relax with this video of Darlene Zschech singing “Made Me Glad”

**Excerpts from Crosswalk.com “Overcome Anxiety and Depression” by Whitney Hopler;
MayoClinic.com “Depression in Women: Understanding the gender gap”