Step 5

We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

I think this step for me was one of the most challenging. Getting to the place where I could openly discuss all the terrible things I did was really hard. The shame attached to my behaviors was very painful and could have easily given me an excuse to not follow through. Fortunately, I worked this step with a wonderful Christian counselor, so it was a little easier than it could have been with someone else.

If we have properly worked Step 4 we have a balanced inventory of not only our mistakes but our strengths as well. This will provide a good foundation on which to build our recovery. In preparing for Step 5 schedule some uninterrupted time with God to prayerfully search for the person with whom you will share your inventory. Admitting our wrongs to ourselves is one thing but sharing them with another human being is quite another. We have worked very hard in our addiction to hide these truths from others so this will be a huge step towards healing. Step 5 is our path out of isolation and loneliness toward healing and peace. It is very humbling to get past the pretending and to reveal our true selves to someone else. Telling our story to others can be a frightening experience and may cause fear of rejection. But it is essential that we take the risk and confess our wrongs. God will give us the courage if we lean on Him.

One of my favorite recovery resources The Twelve Steps for Christians has some great insights for working Step 5 that I would like to share with you.

Begin with prayer. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in what you are about to experience.
Choose your 5th Step listener carefully. Find someone who is accepting, patient, sympathetic and understanding. Possibly a clergyman, counselor, another Twelve Step member, trusted friend or family member.
We are only asked to admit the nature of our wrongs. Don’t discuss how the wrongs came about or how changes will be made. You are not seeking advice.
After completing your fifth step, take time to pray and reflect on what you have done. Thank God for the tools you’ve been given to improve your relationship with Him. A cornerstone in your relationship with God is you commitment to honesty and humility.
Congratulate yourself for having the courage to risk self-disclosure and thank God for the peace of mind you have achieved.

Having admitted our wrongs to another human being is no guarantee that we will not slip up again. But we have the assurance, in those moments of weakness, that God will be with us and give us the strength to overcome. If we truly want to change God will continue to give us the courage and the strength to persevere down the path of sobriety to wholeness and healing in Jesus Christ.

Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and wonderful results. –James 5:16

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One of the biggest challenges for the recovering person is getting to the place of surrender. Not only is this important, it is critical to the recovery process. This can be a tough, especially for those of us who are stubborn and willful! Before we will truly surrender we may have to go to the darkest of all places, possibly near death.

What does it mean to surrender your life?

The sense of not knowing can be paralyzing for some. We can’t go back but we can’t go forward either. We’re stuck sinking in our own quicksand of uncertainty and doubt.

How can we save ourselves?

Surrender: to yield to the possession or power of another; to give oneself up to an influence, to abandon or relinquish; to resign; submit.

When I read Webster’s definitions, I see myself walking in sin and addiction having already surrendered, just to the wrong side. I had yielded my power and abandoned myself to my addiction and the evil forces driving it.

Usually, when we think of surrendering, we think of a criminal surrendering to the police with their hands up; or perhaps in the old westerns and war movies — someone waving the white flag of surrender to the opposing forces. In these situations, the surrendering party believes they have given up any hope of victory. These are good images of surrender because that is exactly what we must do when we surrender. We have to give up. But when we surrender ourselves to God, we actually have hope for real victory.

The key element in the process of true surrender is accepting Jesus Christ as our Savior. Until we do, we are trying to do everything in our own power, and we know how that works – it doesn’t! We must first humble ourselves before God, fall on our face and confess our sins; acknowledge Jesus’ death on the cross and receive God’s mercy and forgiveness. Jesus Christ took the pain we suffer in addiction to the cross. Why should we want to continue to carry that ourselves? Healing begins immediately when we give ourselves over to Him and let him carry our burdens for us.

Surrender means to relinquish control over what we consider ours: our property, our time, our “rights”. To properly surrender to God, we are simply acknowledging that what we “own” actually belongs to Him. But not just what we own, what we think and do also are His. He is the Giver of all good things. Also, the degree in which we surrender determines the degree in which we grow in our character. So, if we are still holding on to something, by not surrendering it to God, that can inhibit our potential for spiritual growth and full recovery.

Similar to salvation, surrender is a gift we receive from God; we can’t will it for ourselves. But also, like salvation, the gift of surrender requires a response from us: acceptance. And there must be fruit: a changed life! Actually, living a life surrendered to God is so much easier than trying to do it on our own. But it is a daily choice, sometimes moment by moment, with every breath. So, stop right now and do a few deep breathing exercises…God’s way in, my way out… You may not be happy about it right now, but in the bigger picture of life, you’ll be glad you chose to surrender your pain, your addiction, your life — to God.

So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. ~ I Peter 5:6-7