RECOVERY REFRAMED || Why We Run to Substitutes

Recovery Reframed looks at the deeper reasons why we run to certain behaviors when we’re hurting. Each month, we’ll explore a different struggle and how Christ can help us overcome it. New posts release on the first Friday of every month in 2026.

 

We all run somewhere when life hurts.

Some women run toward people.
Some run toward food or shopping.
Some run toward behaviors they never talk about out loud.
And some quietly live in cycles of shame, trying to fix themselves while hiding the very places that need healing.

Most of us were never taught why we run.
We only learned how to survive.

The truth is simple and human:

We run to substitutes when our hearts are hurting, lonely, overwhelmed, or afraid.
And most of the time, we don’t even realize we’re doing it.

 


The Wounds Beneath Our Behaviors

Every woman carries stories she doesn’t tell.

You may carry:

    • childhood pain
    • family dysfunction
    • fear of abandonment
    • people-pleasing patterns
    • emotional exhaustion
    • secrets you’ve never had words for
    • responsibilities you never asked for
    • faith wounds you don’t know how to name

These wounds don’t make us weak.
They make us human.

And when life gets heavy, our hearts reach for soothing, not sin.
We look for anything—anything—that might quiet the ache.

The behavior is not the problem.
The pain beneath the behavior is.


When Coping Quietly Turns Into Bondage

Most addictions and compulsive behaviors don’t start loudly.
They start quietly.

A glass of wine to relax.
A late-night scroll to escape.
A relationship that fills a void.
A secret habit that numbs shame.
A shopping trip that lifts the mood—just for a moment.
A bite of something comforting at the end of a hard day.
A show, a fantasy, a distraction.

Just a little relief.
Just a few minutes.
Just a break from thinking or feeling.

But over time, what comforts us begins to control us.

And what we ran to for peace becomes another place of stress, guilt, and disappointment.

You’re not alone if you’ve been there.
We all have.


God Doesn’t Shame the Places We Run — He Meets Us There

One of the greatest lies the enemy whispers is:

“If people knew what you struggle with, they’d reject you.”

But Jesus does the opposite.

He moves toward the hurting.
Toward the hiding.
Toward the ashamed.
Toward the brokenhearted.

Psalm 34:18 tells us:

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Close.

Not disappointed.
Not distant.
Not disgusted.
Close.

The places we try to hide from Him are the very places He longs to heal.


Recovery Isn’t About Trying Harder — It’s About Letting God In

Many women assume recovery means:

    • try harder
    • pray more
    • stop the behavior
    • have more willpower
    • get it together
    • be a “better Christian”

But recovery in Christ looks different.

Recovery in Christ means:

    • letting Jesus into the wounded places
    • learning to name our pain
    • discovering healthier ways to cope
    • receiving grace
    • practicing honesty
    • accepting support
    • walking step by step, not all at once

The behaviors we’ll talk about this year—sexual addiction, relationship addiction, pornography, eating struggles, compulsive spending, substance use, codependency, gambling, social media addiction, and self-harm—are not the enemy.

They are signals.
Signals that something deeper needs comfort, healing, and connection.

God doesn’t heal the symptom first.
He heals the story underneath.


A New Way to See Your Struggle This Year

This year, as you read each column, I want you to remember this:

You are not your struggle.
You are not your behavior.
You are not the worst thing you’ve ever done or the hardest thing you battle.

You are a woman loved by God.
A woman who is learning new rhythms.
A woman who is healing, even if it feels slow.
A woman Jesus calls by name—not by shame.

This year is not about perfection.
It’s about presence.
His presence with you.
Your presence with Him.

One honest month at a time.
One gentle step at a time.


You Don’t Have to Walk Alone

If today’s topic touched a tender place in your story, please know you don’t have to walk this road alone. Healing often grows deeper when we walk with others. A Christ-centered support community like Celebrate Recovery may be a helpful next step. They offer safe groups for women where you will find encouragement, accountability, and hope. Explore locations and resources at: celebraterecovery.com.

A Soft Prayer for Your Heart 

Lord Jesus.
I bring You the places I run when I’m hurting.
I bring You the feelings I hide and the struggles I don’t want to admit.
Meet me gently.
Heal the wounds beneath my behaviors.
Show me that You are enough, and that I am safe with You.
Walk with me through each month of this journey.
Thank You that You never shame me—you rescue me, restore me, and stay close to my heart.
Amen.

Before you go, take a moment to breathe and receive this healing worship. “I Speak Jesus” by Charity Gayle is the theme song for this series — a simple, powerful declaration of hope, freedom, and the gentle presence of Christ over every wounded place in our lives.

THE TWELVE STEPS TO VICTORY™ || Step Twelve || Sharing the Hope of Victory

In The Twelve Steps to Victory column, we’re reframing the traditional 12 Steps with a focus on victory vs continually looking back at our missteps and failures. Each Step aligns with the months on the yearly calendar. This series publishes on the first Friday of each month in 2025. This is the final column in this series.

“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs, sharing the victory we’ve found with others.” ~ Step Twelve

When we arrive at Step Twelve, we discover that recovery is not the end of the road, but the beginning of a new way of living. Every prayer prayed, every confession spoken, every truth faced, and every surrender offered has led us to a place of victory — not just for ourselves, but to be shared with others.

Victory is never meant to be hoarded. God’s grace flows through us like living water

Anyone who believes in me may come and drink! For the Scriptures declare, ‘Rivers of living water will flow from his heart. ~John 7:38 NLT

When we testify of His goodness, that living water refreshes not only us but those around us. Our story becomes a bridge that helps someone else believe that freedom is possible.

The Joy of Giving Away What We’ve Received

The beautiful paradox of Step Twelve is that the more we give away, the more we are strengthened. When we sit with a trembling sister who doesn’t yet believe she can change, our words of hope plant seeds in her soul. As Paul wrote,

“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others” ~ 2 Corinthians 1:4 NLT

In this step, we don’t need to be perfect examples — we are living proof that God works through imperfect people. Our scars, instead of disqualifying us, become the very evidence of God’s healing power.

Practicing the Principles in Daily Life

Carrying the message is more than speaking words. It’s living a life transformed by Christ. It’s choosing forgiveness instead of resentment, prayer instead of panic, love instead of bitterness. It’s showing up consistently, not because we’re strong, but because God is faithful.

When our recovery principles become part of our everyday life, others will see something different in us. They may not know what it is at first, but our peace, joy, and steady faith will point them straight to Jesus.

A Call to Action

Sisters, Step Twelve calls us out of isolation and into purpose. It is an invitation to share the hope of victory — in our families, our church, our workplaces, and in the lives of women still searching for freedom.

You don’t have to preach a sermon or write a book. Start small. Share a verse, a prayer, a listening ear. Let your life be a testimony that says, “If He did it for me, He can do it for you too.”


Journal Prompts

    1. Who has been a “hope carrier” in your recovery journey, and how did God use them to encourage you?
    2. Where might God be calling you to share your story of victory — even in small ways?
    3. Which principle from these 12 steps do you feel most called to live out in front of others this week?

Final Call to Action:
Beloved sister, you are never alone in this journey. Keep walking in victory, keep leaning on His grace, and keep sharing the hope you’ve found. The world is waiting for your story. 💖

🌸 Worship Moment 🎶

As we close out our journey through the Twelve Steps to Victory, let this worship song be a joyful declaration of what God has done in us — and a reminder to share His goodness with the world. The song “So So Good” by Phil Wickham, Brandon Lake, and Elevation Worship captures the heart of Step Twelve: celebrating God’s never–ending goodness and testifying that His love has carried us through.

Take a few moments to worship, rejoice, and let your spirit be filled with gratitude. May this song fuel your desire to share His hope and victory with others. ✨🙌💖