Tag: Healing Hurts

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Healing Hurts :: ANXIETY

anxiety: distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune.



Anxiety seems to be an inevitable part of life. Stimulated by fear, when life comes at us with both barrels, we go into a panic attack or worse, shut down completely. 


Often, we bring anxiety on ourselves, with our too busy, over-productive, thoughtless style of modern work, play and home life. We rush around trying to cram as much into one day as we possible can. And we wonder why we have anxiety! 


If we take a simpler approach to our day we’re less stressed and worried, by slowing down, we find meaning and purpose in whatever task we’ve been assigned, whether it’s scrubbing dishes, driving a bus or delegating duties to an office. If we put more care-filled thought into our daily routine, the mundane will turn beautiful and our self-inflicted anxiety will fade away.


Another word for anxiety is worry. And fear is always at the root of worry. We learned last month in our Virtues~n~Vices column that faith is the only thing that can counteract fear. If you are running low on faith… I have just the answer for you. God’s Word! 


Here are a some Scripture references that help me in times of anxiety. Look them up. When one speaks to you, write it on a 3×5 card and keep it with you. 


God’s Word will renew your mind and remove your anxiety!


Joshua 1:9
Psalms 16:8; 27:1; 34:4; 55:22; 56:11; Psalm 91
Proverbs 3:5-6; 12:25
Isaiah 26:3; 41:10
Matthew 6:25-34
John 14:27
2 Corinthians 1:3-4; 4:15-18; 9:8; 10:5
Philippians 4:8

2 Timothy 1:7; 4:18


5 STEPS THAT OVERCOME ANXIETY
  1. Check Your Inputs – Media influences are a recipe for anxiety and depression. Why do we think we need to know everything that’s going on in the world to survive each day? It’s simply not true. There’s very little we can do to change the head lines. Why clutter your mind with all the trivia, frivolity, drama and violence? Life’s too short to waste brain matter on unnecessary input. Instead, fill your mind with praise music to lift your spirit, read a good old book! Need help finding one? Email me.
  2. Check Your Thoughts – Think about what you are thinking about. Journal your thoughts in times of anxiety, trace them back, find the input that triggered those thoughts. You may need to eliminate an activity, a friend or program that’s triggering anxiety. 
  3. Check Your Activity – Lack of exercise, not enough or too much sleep can cause depression and anxiety. Take a walk, look at the birds. Are they worrying?  Stillness, silence and solitude work wonders for anxiety. Yoga has been instrumental in my own mental and physical health. (Now don’t get ruffled about yoga… there are Christian Yoga books now.) Also, get yourself on a good sleep routine. There’s a lot of research showing the importance of circadian sleep rhythm – sleep when the sun does. 
  4. Check Your Diet – Eat closer to the earth. Cut caffeine and sugar. Drop soda, drink more water. Look for hidden sugars, high-glycemic levels in bread, grains, fruit, veggies, condiments, etc. By eating more organic, non-processed foods we will naturally feel better. 
  5. Check Your Focus – What do you spend your day thinking about? Take your mind off worries by helping someone else. Become a mentor, volunteer, lead or take a class. There’s always someone who has more problems. When we take our mind off ourselves and put it on someone else, it’s amazing how insignificant our worries seem. 


I hope this week’s column has been helpful to you. I know what it’s like to suffer with anxiety and panic attacks. If you have a serious problem, don’t hesitate to get medical assistance. God has given us doctors to help us. I was on medication for a couple of years to help me press through some tough times. During those years, I stayed busy renewing my mind with Scripture. Soon I had the strength and ability to live without anxiety medication. 



Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. ~ Philippians 4:6-7 (Amplified)


Are anxious thoughts creeping in? 


Watch or listen to @HillsongUnited sing Mighty To Save http://youtu.be/-08YZF87OBQ

* Helpful Resources: 
Hope for the Heart Biblical Counseling Keys: Worry – The Joy Stealer by June Hunt
Hope for Today Bible by Joel and Victoria Osteen
Jesus Calling by Sarah Young
The Rule of St. Benedict 
Waiting on God by Andrew Murray

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Healing Hurts :: LONELINESS

In hopes of targeting topics to fit my reader’s needs, I recently took a poll of the hurts women struggle with. My poll listed: depression, anxiety, drug and alcohol abuse, sexual addiction, loneliness, self-hatred, and inferiority. The survey results were interesting, but not surprising.
Loneliness overshadowed all the other struggles listed. 
Using the UCLA Loneliness Scale, AARP surveyed 3012 people over the age of 45 and found 35 percent are chronically lonely compared to 20 percent in a similar survey ten years earlier. 
According to the 2010 Census, 25 percent of American households are maintained by a single person, a dramatic increase from 7 percent in 1940. 
Over half of all Americans report having no close confidant or friends outside their immediate family; 25 percent of American have no meaningful social support at all, not a single person they can confide in!
All this means serious trouble for our health. Lonely people tend to have higher stress levels, exercise less, have more substance abuse, weaker immune systems, and the list goes on.
What is Loneliness? 
Loneliness is a state of sadness resulting from feeling separated from others.
Chronic loneliness is continually feeling disconnected from others; often leads to personal isolation, bitterness and destructive behavior.

Loneliness today seems to come with the job. Not only are more children growing up with single parents, but where there are two parents, often both parents are working with an average commute of 46 minutes. By the time everyone gets home, there’s no time to visit with the neighbor while the kids play outside. We wear busy as a badge while the value of community connection all but disappears.
Alone vs. Lonely  
Being alone refers to the physical state of being separated from others.
Being lonely refers to the emotional feeling of isolation or rejection.
Being alone can be a positive time of creativity or meditation with God.
Being lonely is always negative with feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness. 
What about all my social-media friends and followers? Studies show rather than building community, social-networking sites give a false sense of connection that increases loneliness in people who already feel alone. A lonely woman may get on Facebook and see all the cool things her friends are doing with their exciting vacations, romantic dinners and happy families, she then begins to feel discontent with her own life.
Causes for Loneliness
Situational Loneliness: divorce, death of a loved one, empty nest, loss of job or home, physical disability, major move, illness, aging, abuse, new job, estrangement of family, etc…
Spiritual Loneliness: bad things happen and you feel God has abandoned you.

Social stigmas surround Loneliness. It’s seems acceptable to be on medication for depression, but being lonely often means unwanted, unlovable, unattractive, unintelligent. Loneliness is compounded not only with feeling alone but being alone in that feeling. It seems no one understands.
Some helpful solutions…
  • Ask God for guidance and He will help you!
  • Evaluate your loneliness. Take the UCLA Loneliness Test.
  • Take charge of your feelings; remove negative thoughts and self-talk.
  • Volunteer in your community.
  • Join and get plugged into a local Bible believing church.
  • Reduce work commute to free up time for friends, family and activities.
  • Don’t substitute electronic communication for face time.
  • Take an adult education class, start scrap-booking, knitting or quilting.
  •  Be determined not to isolate. Nurture personal relationships. 
  •  Meet your neighbors. Start a ladies lunch or dinner once a month.
  •  Get the resources listed below. 
  •  Read and memorize Scripture.
  •  Listen to praise and worship music. 


Personally, loneliness is high on my list of struggles. It’s gotten better as I’ve grown in the Lord but it still shows up when I least expect it. I’m not a doctor or a counselor and don’t pretend to have all the answers. The more I researched loneliness the more I discovered what a huge problem it is in our world today. I spent several weeks studying and found volumes of material on the subject. There was no way I could possibly cover all the areas needed so I’ve added a few resources below. 

If you suffer with chronic loneliness and have no one to talk to, please feel free to contact me here. 
The three best resources I found to help with loneliness: 
Worship music helps me most when I’m lonely. Here are some of my favorites. Rest in the Father’s Hands and receive His love for you…


Jesus Culture – All I Need is You http://youtu.be/MvL6evyRFgY


Misty Edwards – My Soul Longs for You http://youtu.be/mWC3J4Wz0wo


Michael W. Smith – More Love, More Power http://youtu.be/MhnmLNfyqY4

Photo Courtesy 123RF Stock Photo

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HEALING HURTS :: Depression

According to the Mayo Clinic about twice as many women as men experience depression. Let’s examine a few factors that increase a woman’s risk of depression.

Puberty: emerging sexuality and identity issues; parental conflicts; school pressures
Premenstrual problems: cyclical hormones changes disrupts brain chemicals that control moods.
Pregnancy: hormonal changes affect moods; mixed feelings about pregnancy; relationship issues
Postpartum depression: anxiety, inability to care for baby, thoughts of suicide
Perimenopause and menopause: erratically fluctuating hormone levels


Aside from hormone and chemical imbalances, all too often we allow life situations and culture to send us into anxiety and depression. When life isn’t going our way we may throw an emotional temper tantrum because God isn’t doing things our way. In time the anger takes root and grows into depression.

As Christian women, how can we overcome anxiety and depression?

Give up the illusion of control.
We must realize only God has the power to control how our lives play out.

Let your emotions lead you to ask questions.
Rather than ignore the depression, face your feelings and ask, “What’s going on? Why do I feel this way?”
Turn worries into prayers.
When anxiety hits, pray! Unlike worry, prayer accomplishes something positive. 
Discipline your mind.
Think about what you’re thinking about! Instead of problems focus on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. (Phil.4:8) You can’t be depressed and do this! 
Don’t blame illness when the problem is poor choices.
Half our problems we bring on ourselves by bad decisions we’ve made. Taking responsibility for our attitudes and actions leads to maturity and healing.
Exercise discernment considering medication.
Pray for wisdom to discern emotional stress from a true medical condition.

Check to see if physical symptoms are tied to feelings.
Are you sleeping, have stomach problems, headaches, etc… See a doctor if physical symptoms continue.

Let go of what you cant change, change what you can.
Stop trying to change things that are out of your control. Let go and let God!

Look for meaning in your suffering.
Ask God to help you learn what He wants you to learn in your time of trouble, so that you can help others in the future.

Pray for the right perspective.
Ask God to show you His perspective on the situations that are troubling you. This will help you make better choices.

Forget about suicide!
More than anything else, if you are considering suicide, PLEASE TALK TO SOMEONE! Know that there is always hope. Turn to God and trust Him with your life. Things will get better.

Make time for rest and relaxation.
Overwork, lack of sleep can cause a great deal of anxiety and depression. Take time to enjoy life, play games, soak in a hot bath, walk the dogs… Whatever can help you relax… Do it! 

Change the way you talk to yourself.
We must recognize the negative recordings that play in our head. To change them, find scriptures that you can write into declarations and speak them over your life. If you don’t know any, email me and I’ll send you some!

Tap into the power of forgiveness.
Often we can forgive others, but can’t forgive ourselves. Ask God to show you any area where you need help with forgiveness. 

Draw strength from Scripture.
Most importantly, let the Truth of God’s Word refresh your mind and soul. Read, study and meditate on Scripture daily. It will make you glad!

Take a few moments and relax with this video of Darlene Zschech singing “Made Me Glad”

**Excerpts from Crosswalk.com “Overcome Anxiety and Depression” by Whitney Hopler;
MayoClinic.com “Depression in Women: Understanding the gender gap”

Copyright © Reaching Hurting Women Blog

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Healing Hurts :: DENIAL

We started the first week of the year working Step One. Next, I shared a review of my new favorite book. And in week three we started our series Virtues-n-Vices with the topic of Honesty. This week we begin a series of posts called Healing Hurts with the focus today on Denial.

Denial: is a defense mechanism in which a person, faced with an uncomfortable fact, rejects it, insisting that it isn’t true despite overwhelming evidence. It’s an unrealistic hope that a problem is not really happening.

We use one of the following…

  • Simple denial: denying the reality of the unpleasant reality altogether.
  • Minimization: admitting the reality but denying it’s seriousness (rationalization).
  • Projection: admit both the reality and the seriousness but deny any responsibility.
Denial, a type of pain reliever, represses stressful thoughts from the mind; whether subconsciously or consciously, the goal is to avoid dealing with the situation or problem. People expend exhausting amounts of energy maintaining their denial state.

Denial is serious. We can’t heal as long as we pretend our hurts don’t exist.

The Celebrate Recovery Bible lists six negative effects DENIAL has on our lives:

D – isables our feelings
E – nergy drain
N – egates our growth
I  – solates us from God
A – lienates us from other human relationships
L – engthens our pain

The bottom line…
The faster we engage (feel) our feelings, even though it hurts, the quicker the pain will end and our life will truly be happier.

God will be with us if we will just let Him into the pain with us.
Press through the pain, step out of denial into the victory of freedom! Trust God, He will take care of you!

Listen to this sweet song as you receive God’s help…

Copyright © 2012 Reaching Hurting Women Ministry

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Heart Affections

“The nature of human beings is to be inactive unless influenced by some affection; love or hatred, desire, hope, fear, etc. These affections are the ‘spring of action,’ the things that set us moving in our lives, that move us to engage in activities.” ~ Jonathan Edwards

Our heart affections, desires and dreams, determine our actions; which in turn, will determine our future. But without our will being put in place to take action these desires and dreams never take life. 

For as she thinks in her heart, so is she.~ Proverbs 23:7
The actions of our will are a barometer, a visual side effect, of the deeper, inner affections of our heart and soul. Good or bad, what our heart desires can and will come about. This is why it is critical that we guard what’s in our hearts.
Sick inside : sick outside.
Healthy inside : Healthy outside 

What’s affecting your heart today?  

Photo courtesy of 123RF Stock Photos