Addiction Recovery – Page 8 – Reaching Hurting Women Ministries

June 26, 2013June 25, 2016

BOOK REVIEW :: Daring Greatly by Brené Brown

How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead

by

“WHERE WAS THIS BOOK WHEN I WAS RAISING MY KIDS 30 YEARS AGO?”

Oh my gosh! I think this may be one of the most important books I will ever read! And I don’t say that lightly. Those of you who know me or have followed my blog for a while, know I’m a voracious reader. And when I find a book of this magnitude I’m going to shout it from the house top.

Daring Greatly is critical to living an emotionally healthy life!

This book is a voice of reason, understanding and explanation from a woman who has spent more than a decade listening to painful stories of lived experiences in order to put a theory into words. And not just research words to complete a degree, but words that will make a difference, words that can bring a sense of meaning to the struggles we all have in common.

Every person on the planet needs to read Daring Greatly!

No doubt about it, this book is a tough read. Not because Dr. Brown is a researcher who writes sentences that are five lines long (which she does not) but because her material hits me right where I live inside and outside my brain.

Do yourself and everyone in your life a favor… read Daring Greatly!

I’ve just finished reading Daring Greatly and taking notes all over the book’s pages. Now I have to read it again. This time I’m getting out my spiral notebook and stepping into the Vulnerability classroom with Dr. Brené Brown as my professor.

Thanks Dr. Brené Brown! I look forward to reading much more of your work!

If you can’t see the video screen below Click here to watch Brené Brown’s ground breaking TEDx talk that has garnered more than 9 million views thus far!

June 5, 2013June 25, 2016

The Road to Recovery :: Step 6

IN THE ROAD TO RECOVERY COLUMN WE aRE WORKING THE EIGHT PRINCIPLES OF CELEBRATE RECOVERY THAT ARE BASED ON The BEATITUDES Along with THE TRADITIONAL 12 STEPS OF RECOVERY AS THEY ALIGN WITH THE MONTHLY CALENDAR.

STEP SIX: We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.”~ James 4:10

PRINCIPLE FIVE (Celebrate Recovery): Voluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in my life and humbly ask Him to remove my character defects.

“Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires.” ~ Matthew 5:6

In the previous steps, as we began removing the addictions and dependencies from our life, we came face to face with our deeper character defects and discovered a lot of brokenness inside. Facing our brokenness can be overwhelming and painful. But if we’ve made it this far we must be ready for God to change us.

Thankfully God doesn’t measure us on how hard we work. But rather on the condition of our heart. He wants us to mourn over our sins and admit our brokenness. When we bring our brokenness to Him, He promises to forgive us, comfort us and cleanse us. Along with this cleansing God will satisfy our emotional hunger and help us overcome our character defects.

To go forward we must die to our old coping mechanisms. These comfortable “friends” who carried us in troubled times can no longer be a part of our life. But with the loss of anything familiar they need a proper burial. We must turn away from our defective ways, cover the shame with God’s love and allow ourselves time to mourn the loss.

I can look back with fond memories knowing my defects are no longer my friends.

A difficult part of working Step 6 is not knowing who we will be when our defects are gone. They may have caused a lot of pain and suffering in the past, but at least this defective person is familiar.

Who will we be without our character defects?

Will our friends and loved ones still accept us when we become this new person?

The bigger question we need to ask is: “Are we really willing for God to remove all our addictions and dependencies?” The truth is we can’t even become willing without God’s help!

We must be honest with ourselves and realize we may never be “entirely” ready for God to remove our defects of character. What’s important is that we stay close to God and keep moving in the right direction. As we do we will get as close to being ready as possible. When we do our part, God will meet us there and take us the rest of the way.

In fact, by dying on the cross, Jesus met us more than half way! He went all the way for our faults, failures and addictions. It helps me to visualize my specific areas of weakness nailed on the cross with Christ.

It is only on the Cross of Christ that our defects of character can be removed.

Dear God, thank you for bringing me this far on my recovery journey. I ask for Your help to make me entirely ready to change all my character defects. Give me the strength to deal with all I have turned over to you. Allow me to accept these changes you are making in my life. Help me be the person You want me to be. In Jesus Christ’s name… Amen

CLICK HERE for our Road to Recovery theme song.

RESOURCES:
Life Recovery Bible
Celebrate Recovery Bible
The Twelve Steps for Christians

May 15, 2013June 25, 2016

Living Life Lessons :: LOVE YOURSELF!

Some people think it’s wrong to love yourself. Aren’t we supposed to put others first? Are we being selfish when we love ourselves? Let’s talk about true love.

In the Living Life Lessons column I’m sharing various lessons God has taught me.

A couple of years ago I was introduced to a little book that has changed my life and continues to change the lives of those in my circle of influence.

This wonderfully powerful book is Loving Yourself for God’s Sake by Adolfo Quezada.

Don’t let its size (only 83 pages) or its simple message fool you; it is chocked full with nugget after nugget of wisdom. Reading it now for the third time, I can barely get through a paragraph before I must stop and meditate on another healing truth.

When under the influence of my addiction, I spent many years hurting myself and others around me, especially those I was supposed to love the most! I’m ashamed to think about the horrible things I did to my family and friends. But does that mean I didn’t really love them?

Do not owe anyone anything, except to love one another, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. The commandments: Do not commit adultery;do not murder;do not steal; do not covet; and whatever other commandment—all are summed up by this: Love your neighbor as yourself. ~ Romans 13:8-10

When we look at the scripture above we often focus on the commandments or the laws of God, seeing them as hard and fast rules that mustn’t be broken, possibly difficult habits to break.

Perhaps if we will change our perspective and put our focus on the results rather than the rules it will be easier to swallow.

The summary statement at the end: Love your neighbor as yourself sounds like it’s just telling us only to love someone else. We are supposed to love our neighbor but that’s only one part. The critical, and often overlooked piece, is the very end: …as yourself.

God knows that we will love others AS we love ourselves–whether we do it right or wrong-that’s how love works. But before we can love ourselves we must first love God.

HOW we love God = How we love ourselves = HOW we love others!

Does your life reflect your love of God or the lack there of?

How are your treating yourself? What about those you love?

“Pray that God will fire your soul with a love so real and encompassing that your life becomes a bright and steady reflection of God’s unconditional love for you.” ~ Adolfo Quezada

Click here for an awesome song by Israel Houghton. Turn up your speakers!!

RESOURCES:

Loving Yourself for God’s Sake by Adolfo Quezada
Life Recovery Devotional

Photo Courtesy 123rf.com

May 1, 2013June 25, 2016

The Road to Recovery :: STEP 5

In The Road to Recovery column we’re working the Eight Principles of Celebrate Recovery that are based on Beatitudes and the traditional 12 Steps of Recovery as they align with the monthly calendar.

STEP FIVE: We admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. ~ James 5:16

PRINCIPLE FOUR (Celebrate Recovery): Openly examine and confess my faults to myself, to God and to someone I trust.

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.” ~ Matthew 5:8

We’ve lived a life of secrets and lies, denying the truth of the pain we were causing to ourselves and to those we love. It’s time for the lies to stop and for truth to prevail. And often times the truth hurts.

In Step Four we began the process of coming clean by writing our spiritual and moral inventory. Now it’s time for the rubber to meet the road. All our baggage, the good, the bad and the ugly, is going to come off the page and into real life as we share inventory aloud with another person.

Step Five consists of three parts: admitting to God, to ourselves and to another human being. Each part adds a new dimension, a deeper level of intensity to our confession; one reverential, the next personal and finally the painful reality. Let’s look at each level.

ADMITTING WRONGS TO GOD allows us some distance from our wrongs, a sense of objectivity that keeps us from feeling too much pain. However, there may be a time during our confession when words can’t express our feelings. We may need to allow the Holy Spirit to take our prayer of confession from the sounds and groans of our pain.

ADMITTING WRONGS TO OURSELVES seems redundant after having just written them down in Step Four. But repeating the inventory, this time out loud to ourselves, helps cement our confession. This brings home the truth of what we’ve done and what we are capable of doing to our prideful ego.

ADMITTING WRONGS TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING is probably the most painful and even embarrassing part of Step Five. While there is no perfect way to work this step the most important thing is the trustworthiness of our confessor. Whomever we choose, we must make certain this person will never use what we tell them against us. We can’t make our confession unless and until we feel safe.

During this painful process we can look forward to the freedom we will feel after unloading our long carried burdens. We can rest assured the Biblical promise of healing will come after confessing our sins. And having shared our personal inventory with another person we will gain the support which frees us from our sense of isolation, our false pride, and denial.

Lord, my inventory has shown me who I am, yet I ask for your help in admitting my wrongs to another person and to you. Assure me, and be with me in this step, for without this step I cannot progress in my recovery. With Your help, I can do this and I will.

Show me who can hear my confession and not hurt me.
Show me who can stand my story and not condemn.
Show me who can listen and honestly care.
Show me who can be a human being and still show mercy.**

Click here for The Road to Recovery theme song.

Resources:

**Prayers for the Twelve Steps: A Spiritual Journey
Celebrate Recovery Bible
Recovery: The Twelve Steps as Spiritual Practice by Rami Shapiro
The Twelve Steps for Christians

April 3, 2013October 10, 2016

The Road to Recovery :: STEP FOUR

STEP FOUR:

We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Let us examine our ways, test them, and return to the Lord. ~ Lamentations 3:40

PRINCIPLE FOUR of Celebrate Recovery:

Openly examine and confess my faults to myself, to God and to someone I trust.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. ~ Matthew 5:8

Step Four begins the growth steps of our recovery journey. We are now ready to come clean, to dig into the areas of our life where we have been blinded by denial. For our moral inventory it’s very important that we stay balanced. We should make a list of our not only our weaknesses but also our strengths.

Grab a pen and paper as we follow Celebrate Recovery’s suggestions for processing our Spiritual Inventory. Let’s start examining areas of our life:

Relationships:

Who has hurt you? Who have you hurt? Are you seeking revenge / holding grudges?

Priorities

What are your priorities? What is good / bad about them? Who do they affect and how?

Attitudes

Are you grateful, complaining, sarcastic, anxious, fearful? Do you blow up easily?

Integrity

Are there times you have been dishonest? Pretended to be something you aren’t?

Mind

How do your guard your mind? Do you fill it with unhealthy movies, books or magazines?

Body

How have you treated your body? What habits or physical activities do you have?

Family

How do you treat family members? What family secret are you denying?

Church

Have you been faithful to church in the past? Are you discouraging your family from church?

There is much more that we can talk about when it comes to our inventory. It’s my desire here to provide a jump start for your recovery. Please know this column isn’t designed to take the place of a 12 Step program. If you aren’t already attending a group I encourage you to go to the Celebrate Recovery website: www.celebraterecovery.com to find a group in your area.

Also, if you don’t have an accountability partner yet, attending a CR group will help you to find someone to help you work through your inventory list. Remember, the road to recovery is not designed to be traveled alone!

I pray God will reveal just what you need to see as your courageously take this step. Blessings… Tamara

Click here to watch / listen to our Road to Recovery theme song: The Serenity Prayer.

Resources:
Celebrate Recovery Leader’s Guide
Celebrate Recovery Bible
The Twelve Steps for Christians
Life Recovery Bible

March 27, 2013June 25, 2016

Book Review: MADE TO CRAVE by Lysa TerKeurst

MADE TO CRAVE

by @LysaTerKeurst

Zondervan 2010

218 pp

Last December, while searching for books to review, I stumbled upon Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst. I was unfamiliar with the author but found many books by her with raving reviews and as a seasoned Amazon shopper that means BUY =D

With obesity rates rising, it’s no secret that food is a big problem in our world today. Though this isn’t my specific area of weakness, sex and food addiction are closely related, so I decided it would be a great selection to review. Little did I know God had a different reason for me to read this book.

On a seemingly normal Saturday afternoon, I was reading along when all of a sudden God snuck up and healed a deep emotional wound from my childhood! Just like that. Out of the clear blue. Healing came through Chapter 14 ironically titled Emotional Emptiness.

To process her own childhood emotional wounds, Lysa used Philippians 4:8:

“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.”

So as I read how Lysa processed her painful memories, I processed my own unmet nurturing needs. Here are excerpts from my journal:

What is true about my childhood? It is true that by father was emotionally unavailable, an alcoholic, sex addict and womanizer. It is true that my older brother was born handicapped and my mother wasn’t able to give me the nurturing I needed because she had to care for my siblings. It’s true momma did the best she could. She didn’t reject me on purpose, she was just running on her own strength and didn’t have enough to go around.

What is right about my childhood? It is right that my mother did all she could to care for my brother. God just whispered to me – if our roles had been reversed – if I had been in the wheel chair, my mother would have done the same for me!

What is pure, lovely, admirable and praiseworthy in my childhood? What if I change my perspective on this emptiness and feeling of lack? What if I look back at this memory and see it as a sacrifice of love for my brother so that he could have the care that he needed most? Jesus doesn’t see His wounds as a victim but as a sacrifice of love. I mustn’t see the empty places as lack for me but as a gift to my brother and sister. By doing this my perspective changes to purity of heart, loveliness for my brother, my sister, and my mother. Seeing the positive vs. the negative allows my pain to become something admirable and praiseworthy.

Needless to say, I wasn’t expecting a surprise healing that day. One thing I know, is that my burden is gone. I am free from that empty pain of lack!

Our cravings may come in different packages but the bottom line is still the same: we’re all trying to fill our spiritual emptiness, to moisten our dried up hearts with pleasures found in the world. It won’t work no matter how hard we try. It seems the harder we try the deeper the hole gets, and the less satisfaction comes until we are so numbed that we can’t feel our brains think any more.

Whatever your weakness: food, sex, gambling, shopping, media… You will find help in this book. Where the word food shows up just fill in your particular weakness. That’s what I did and it worked for me!

I highly recommend Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst. It’s an easy read, with touching personal stories sure to reach a spot in your heart. There are study guide questions at the end of each chapter that make it perfect for small groups to work together.

Click here to watch a MADE TO CRAVE video by Lysa TerKeurst.

March 20, 2013June 25, 2016

Living Life Lessons :: PITFALLS

What is an emotional pit? Anything we can’t get out of with our own strength.

What is your pit made of? Self-pity; compulsive habits, depression, anxiety, worry, doubt…

“A pit is an early grave Satan digs hoping to bury you alive.”~ Beth Moore

How did we get into this pit?

Pushed in innocently by someone else :: family heritage, spouse adultery, job loss.
Slipped in by our own unplanned doing :: started dieting ended with eating disorder.
Jumped in with willfully planned sin, rebellion or disobedience.

Our pit dwelling may be caused by any combination of the above, or we may have gotten into one and it lead to another. Whatever the case living in the pit is not where we want to be.

Whatever we focus on will draw us in.

By focusing on our weaknesses or the circumstances we see in the natural, we give them power in our lives. They draw us in. We end up walking directly into the pit that we really want to avoid.

When we’re riding a bicycle and we focus on the parked car near the curb we’ll surely ride into it. The same is true with our areas of weakness. If we focus on them we will fall right into it.

Instead, we must keep our focus on Christ, by meditating on His Word we will be less likely to fall back into our pit. I’m not saying we won’t still struggle. But I know from experience, if I keep my thoughts going in the right direction that’s more than half the battle.

Can’t we just steer clear of the pit?

As Believers we owe ourselves and those in our circle of influence the determination and commitment to do everything in our power to walk away from the pit. You might fake it till you make it. But will power won’t sustain for long. Unless and until we turn our our self-destructive desires and weaknesses over to God nothing will change.

When will we turn our desires over to God? Must they nearly destroy us?

Unfortunately, that’s what I did. I had to lose my job, my home, my car, my family, and then my freedom before I looked up from my pit to find God’s loving hand reaching to pull me out.

Is God in your life? Are you living victoriously? Or are you living in your pit?

I encourage you to spend some time with God. Ask Him to search your heart for the pits that you may be headed for or are living in now. Get a good study Bible, do a topical word search related to your pit struggle. Dig into God’s Word. I guarantee you will find a hand reaching to pull you out!

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire, he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. ~ Ps. 40:1-2

Click Here to watch Beth Moore’s teaching video “Get Out of That Pit”

March 6, 2013June 25, 2016

The Road to Recovery :: STEP THREE

STEP THREE:
We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God–this is your spiritual act of worship. ~ Romans 12:1

PRINCIPLE THREE: (Celebrate Recovery)
Consciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ’s care and control.

Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. ~ Matthew 5:5

There comes a time in our recovery journey when we need to look for help. We no longer can do this work on our own. And like a surgeon, who must go to another doctor for treatment, we can’t operate on ourselves. We need the Great Healer, the only Higher Power ~ Jesus Christ!

In Step Three we’re working through a big decision. We prepare for this decision process by thoroughly working Steps One and Two.

Look at the unmanageability of our lives.
Consider our needs, God’s abilities and our future with or without God.
We contemplate the required changes.
Decide God is the only one able to manage our lives.

Let’s look at the Celebrate Recovery acrostic that can help us turn our lives over to God:

T ~ TRUST

We put blind trust in many things daily. We trust the chair we’re sitting in to hold us. We trust our car will make it home. We trust the electric switch for light. Why is it so difficult to trust God to take care of us?

If you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. ~ Romans 10:9

U ~ UNDERSTAND

Relying on our own understanding gets us into many messes. That’s why we need Jesus. After we ask Jesus into our life, we must look to him in all our decisions. As we grow in our relationship with Jesus, he will show us how he wants us to live.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. ~ Proverbs 3:5-6

R ~ REPENT

Repentance is making an about face with your life; a complete 180, turning from the life of sin we’ve been leading to living a life with and for God. When we have repented we see the world from God’s perspective instead of our own.

“The time has come,” [Jesus] said. “The kingdom of God is near. Repent and believe the good news!” ~ Mark 1:15

N ~ NEW LIFE

As we take the above three actions; trusting, understanding and repenting our lives are made new in Christ!

If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17

Some old thought patterns have recently resurfaced in my life. So you aren’t alone, I’m working these steps right along with you. It is my prayer that this column has been of some help for you today.

Please click here to watch / listen to the Road to Recovery theme song for this year.

Blessings… Tamara

Resources:

Celebrate Recovery Bible
Life Recovery Bible
The Twelve Steps for Chirstians

February 6, 2013June 25, 2016

The Road to Recovery :: STEP TWO

STEP TWO:

Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. ~ Philippians 2:13

PRINCIPLE TWO: (Celebrate Recovery)

Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to him and that he has the power to help me recover.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. ~ Matthew 5:4

At this stage of our recovery journey we are beginning to find peace with God; faith is birthing within our heart and soul. Our spirit has been pricked by the Holy One, nudging us back home to a safe place ruled by Love.

When we humble ourselves by recognizing God’s power it brings us to a place where we can believe for more, we become able to receive the strength we desparately need to recover. Only through honest transparency about our weaknesses, our hurts, habits and hang-ups, can we truly find healing. We will never be totally free until we yield ourselves to God.

God knows all our dirty little secrets but he needs us to know that He knows. Not to rub our nose in them, but when we can feel ashamed for the right reason, when we have a true sense of regret for our past actions, maybe, just maybe, we can learn from them.

Principle Two is the Hope principle. Here is the acrostic from Celebrate Recovery:

H – Higher Power

For everything comes from him; everything exists by his power and is intended for his glory. To him be glory evermore. ~ Romans 11:36

O – Openness to change

Throw off your old evil nature and your former way of life, which is rotten through and through, full of lust and deception. Instead, there must be a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes. ~ Ephesians 4:22-23

P – Power to change

Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you. ~ Psalm 25:5

E – Expectation to change

I am sure that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again. ~ Philippians 1:6

By admitting our powerlessness in Step One we moved from a life filled with pain and suffering to one with hope. Our hope grows when we believe that a power greater than ourselves, Jesus Christ, can and will restore us to sanity.

Are you struggling today? Is your life one of insanity and despair?

Don’t delay. Call out to Jesus. He alone has the power to change your life.

He is your Hope for a better tomorrow!

Reflect on hope in Christ as you listen to our Road to Recovery theme song by David Zasloff: http://youtu.be/yHIO_1JlBKc

Resources:
Celebrate Recovery Bible
Life Recovery Bible
The Twelve Steps for Christians

January 16, 2013June 25, 2016

LIVING LIFE LESSONS :: What Are You Thinking?

With our busy, stressed out life it’s easy for our thoughts to turn negative or unhealthy… allowing current events to bring worry and fear; doubting your self-worth; having sexual fantasies about people… the list could go on and on.

Let’s find help for this troubling issue.

In the early days of my recovery, I struggled constantly with my thoughts. After living a destructive lifestyle of sexual addiction, using pornography and fantasy regularly, I had a lot of garbage in my mind that I wanted out. But the harder I tried not to think about them the more they came. I was trapped with my past in my brain.

Then God showed up! One day in 2005 I found a verse that literally saved my thought life.

Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you. ~ Philippians 4:8-9 NLT

I wrote the verse on a 3×5 card and kept it with me all the time. Whenever a bad thought or image resurfaced I would pull out my card and recite it out loud. This is my confession:

I will think only on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely admirable, excellent and praiseworthy!

If my thought didn’t fit into one of these categories it wasn’t allowed! Somedays I had to recite this over and over and over and over to keep my mind free of unwanted thoughts.

We can’t erase the memories we hold in our brain. As much as we want to we can’t push the negative thoughts out. But we can put new thoughts in. We have the power and ability to create new memories, by putting positive thoughts and images in. The more good we put in, the more bad stuff gets pushed to the background. Until one day they seem to be gone. OK, sure if I want to recall a past image, it’s definitely possible. The trick is not to allow those thoughts to surface long enough to bring all their baggage.

If there’s one principle that was a turning point in my life journey, it is this:

THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU’RE THINKING ABOUT!

If you don’t like what’s in your thoughts — put in some new things. You have the power to redecorate the rooms of your brain. Why not put pretty things there?

True… Noble… Right… Pure… Lovely… Admirable… Excellent… Praiseworthy…

Do your thoughts fit in these categories?

As an exercise to ground myself further, I did a word study on each of these categories. This was a great way to build them deeper into my mind and helped me tremendously.