In The Twelve Steps to Victory column, we’re reframing the traditional 12 Steps with a focus on victory vs continually looking back at our missteps and failures. Each Step aligns with the months on the yearly calendar. This series publishes on the first Friday of each month in 2025.
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves, understanding that victory starts with self-awareness. — Step Four
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.” — Psalm 139:23
Step Four challenges us to take an honest look at ourselves—our actions, motives and our character, which is revealed in how we respond to challenges. This self-awareness is critical for breaking free from the bondage of destructive patterns and moving forward to victory. Working Step Four allows God to refine us for His purpose.
It can be overwhelming and scary to consider the painful process of taking a personal moral inventory of our lives. Confronting past mistakes is challenging but in time it will be rewarding. Like cleaning a wound, the healing process is painful and often slow but eventually it will come.
When I first began working Step Four, I started by writing a journal, which basically was like reviewing my entire life story. Much of that story was difficult to relive. Writing it down in prayerful meditation with the Lord helped alleviate some of that pain.
In time God brought me a trusted girlfriend who I could talk through my challenges and struggles out with. We have been each other’s accountability partner off and on over many years. This has helped me tremendously. Having someone to share my struggles with helped make the process less painful.
One of the most difficult things I had to work through was unresolved anger toward my father who was already deceased. God helped me process my painful childhood memories by seeing my father as a person who also struggled with unresolved painful childhood memories. When I saw him as a hurting child, it was easier to forgive him.
Facing the truth about ourselves and others is never easy. But we won’t grow forward to victory unless we take this step. When we come to God’s altar His peace will soothe our painful hearts and bring needed healing.