Tag: sex addiction

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Healing Hurts :: SEXUAL ADDICTION

The sex addiction discussion is a hot topic in the media with personal stories of Hollywood celebrities. But not everyone is convinced someone can really be addicted to sex. And if you are, what’s the big deal? 


You might be thinking… “It would be awesome to be married to a sex addict!”


Think again…



Growing up I had a front row seat in real world sex addiction training. My father was a high functioning alcoholic, which means he could stay sober during the day to manage his career but when off work he was usually drinking and chasing women. His addiction to pornography was no secret with a Playboy calendar hanging above the bathroom scales in our only bathroom.  His sexual exploits also had no boundaries. He brazenly sought out women in front of me; he carried on affairs with my co-workers and my college roommate with no shame. Tragically, I acted out all these behaviors and worse in my own sex addicted life.

When children grow up with addictions and become addicts themselves, they usually take the dysfunctions a step further.  I certainly took my addictions and perversions to more destructive levels than my father. With no regard for my family or friends, sadly I passed down the painful effects of sexual addiction to the next generation.

What is sex addiction? Sex Addiction is an unhealthy coping mechanism characterized by a set of escalating, compulsive behaviors which result repeatedly in negative consequences.   


What are the symptoms for sex addiction?

  1. A recurring pattern of sexual fantasies, urges and behaviors lasting six months or longer.
  2. A pattern of sexual activity in response to depression; repeatedly using sex to cope with stress.
  3. Inability to reduce or stop the sexual activities believed to be problematic.
  4. Evidence of “personal distress” caused by the behavior: interference with relationships or work.

How can I know if I’m a sex addict? While this online screening test is very comprehensive and helpful, I highly recommend you seek professional help. You cannot overcome this bondage on your own. Trust me. I tried!  Women’s Sexual Addiction Screening Test


I remember the day I realized I was a sex addict. I was so full of shame and guilt. I didn’t know how to face my family and friends. I didn’t know how I could ever turn back to God. How could He ever love me again after the horrible things I had done.

God loves us in spite of what we have done. Believe it or not, He was there when we did those terrible things. That’s a thought that I can’t stand to think. 

No matter what phase you’re in in the addictive cycle, whether you’re fantasizing about your next sexual encounter or suffering with guilt and shame after last acting out — help is available now!  Freedom from this desperate downward spiral is possible! 

Please don’t stay in your pain alone! Contact me by email. I can help you start the healing process.

Instead of dwelling on your guilt and shame, meditate on God’s love for you with this beautiful song by MercyMe… http://youtu.be/74CNUExD4I8

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Book Review: The Fantasy Fallacy by Shannon Ethridge

The Fantasy Fallacy: 

Exposing The Deeper Meaning Behind Sexual Thoughts


by @ShannonEthridge
Thomas Nelson Publishers 2012
226 pp

As a recovering sex addict who lived in fantasy for most of her life, I couldn’t be more excited about The Fantasy Fallacy! I’m always looking for supportive material to help reach women who struggle with sexual issues. Having read and recommended many of Shannon’s books I wasn’t disappointed… Shannon Ethridge has done it again! 



I’ve read numerous Christian books on sex addiction and never encountered this approach. A breath of fresh air, badly needed especially in the Christian community where the topic of fantasy is a no no! As a former fantasy addict, there was no fantasy covered I was unfamiliar with. But surprisingly I learned something about myself and found new freedom in regards to healthy, safe, ‘legal” fantasy. 

During my eight years of sexual sobriety I have put myself under a rigid “no fantasy allowed” rule. In The Fantasy Fallacy Shannon teaches us there are fantasies that even as a married Christian, are not only safe, but can energize our marriage bed.

Extremely well researched, with gripping personal stories, The Fantasy Fallacy goes behind the veil of every possible fantasy imaginable. Not only discussing the hard truths of fantasy in all walks of life, but helping us understand the root causes so we can overcome the guilt, shame and condemnation. Once the causes are unveiled we are able to understand ourselves and find the sexual freedom God wants us to enjoy.

The Fantasy Fallacy is one of the most relevant books I’ve read this year! My new fav! Way to go Shannon!


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Coming in November on Reaching Hurting Women!


Working the Steps :: STEP 11


Let’s plug into our power source for guidance, serenity and healing by drawing near to God in prayer and meditation.




BOOK REVIEW


The Fantasy Fallacy: 


Exposing the Deeper Meaning Behind Sexual Thoughts

by Shannon Ethridge


As a recovering sex addict who struggled with fantasy for most of my life, I couldn’t be more excited about this book. If you have challenges in this area there’s freedom to be found!

Virtues ~n~ Vices :: MODESTY


We don’t hear much about modesty today, though it is much needed. Do we even know what modesty looks like? Let’s learn the meaning of modesty and how to walk it out daily.






Healing Hurts :: SEX ADDICTION

What sounds like a lot of fun to the world is in reality a desperate, lonely, and painful life to live. I know because I lived most of my life this way. Do you struggle with sexual addiction? Let’s get to the root of the problem and find true freedom!

Look for a New Article Every Wednesday in November on Reaching Hurting Women! 

Photos Courtesy 123rf.com

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Fantasy Shockwaves

Fantasy shock waves send out ripple effects into the reality of our lives.

In today’s culture many see sexual fantasies as normal and harmless. Women who read romance novels or watch soap operas, who meet people anonymously on Internet chat rooms or are addicted to pornography, spend large amounts of time in fantasy.

As a recovering sex addict I know the power fantasies can have. For years I lived in a continual state of fantasy. It could be a simple daydream because I was attracted to someone, all the way to a full blown sexual fantasy where I planned every step needed to get that person in bed and what I would do once I got them there. Looking back I don’t know how I functioned in my daily life.

Over time I learned if I focused on a fantasy long enough I was able to make it come true. The ripple effects of my fantasies became extremely destructive, not only to my own well-being but to my marriage and my entire family. Sadly my fantasy life became so pervasive it sent shock waves that destroyed the reality I was constantly trying to escape. I lost my job, my car, my family and even my freedom for a time.

Dreams and vision can be good if our focus is healthy and lines up with God’s will for our life. We must be careful that what we imagine is what we really want. Our fantasies may come to pass, bringing with them unknown ripple effects, sending destructive shockwaves that could take years to repair. It took over 10 years to repair the damage made due to one particular fantasy I pushed into reality.

Don’t think for a minute that you can get away with these “harmless” fantasies. If you continue giving them power in your life, it’s only a matter of time before they will take over.

We must make a covenant not only with our eyes but with our mind.  Let’s be committed to live out what Philippians 4:8 tells us ~ think on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy.

Photo courtesy 123RF Stock Photos