Surrender

One of the biggest challenges for the recovering person is getting to the place of surrender. Not only is this important, it is critical to the recovery process. This can be a tough, especially for those of us who are stubborn and willful! Before we will truly surrender we may have to go to the darkest of all places, possibly near death.

What does it mean to surrender your life?

The sense of not knowing can be paralyzing for some. We can’t go back but we can’t go forward either. We’re stuck sinking in our own quicksand of uncertainty and doubt.

How can we save ourselves? 

Surrender: to yield to the possession or power of another; to give oneself up to an influence, to abandon or relinquish; to resign; submit.

When I read Webster’s definitions I see myself walking in sin and addiction having already surrendered; just to the wrong side. I had yielded my power and abandoned myself to my addiction and the evil forces driving it.

Usually, when we think of surrendering, we think of a criminal surrendering to the police with their hands up; or perhaps in the old westerns and war movies — someone waving the white flag of surrender to the opposing forces. In these situations the surrendering party believes they have given up any hope of victory. These are good images of surrender because that is exactly what we must do when we surrender. We have to give up. But when we surrender ourselves to God we actually have hope for real victory.

The key element in the process of true surrender is accepting Jesus Christ as our Savior. Until we do we are trying to do everything in our own power and we know how that works – it doesn’t! We must first humble ourselves before God, fall on our face and confess our sins; acknowledge Jesus’ death on the cross and receive God’s mercy and forgiveness. Jesus Christ took the pain we suffer in addiction to the cross. Why should we want to continue to carry that ourselves? Healing begins immediately when we give ourselves over to Him and let him carry our burdens for us.

Surrender means to relinquish control over what we consider ours: our property, our time, our “rights”. To properly surrender to God we are simply acknowledging that what we “own” actually belongs to Him. But not just what we own, what we think and do also are His. He is the Giver of all good things. Also, the degree in which we surrender determines the degree in which we grow in our character. So if we are still holding on to something, by not surrendering it to God, that can inhibit our potential for spiritual growth and full recovery.

Similar to salvation, surrender is a gift we receive from God; we can’t will it for ourselves. But also like salvation, the gift of surrender requires a response from us: acceptance. And there must be fruit: a changed life! Actually living a life surrendered to God is so much easier than trying to do it on our own. But it is a daily choice, sometimes moment by moment, with every breath. So stop right now and do a few deep breathing exercises…God’s way in, my way out… You may not be happy about it right now, but in the bigger picture of life, you’ll be glad you chose to surrender your pain, your addiction, your life — to God.

 

So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. ~ I Peter 5:6-7

 

 

09.14.08

Image Credit: christingasner / 123RF Stock Photo

Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray

The book we are highlighting this week is Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray. Because it was published before 1923 it is in the public domain and available for free on audio in several places. I encourage you to take some time to listen to the wonderful classic book. This audio recording is great quality and the narrator’s performance is excellent.

 

RHW Podcast Episode 9

Hi Friends! Welcome to Episode Nine of the Reaching Hurting Women Podcast: A Contemplative Path of Recovery where we are learning new ways of coping with our daily struggles. My name is Tamara and I will be your host. This week we are talking about: Surrender.

When we hear the word surrender we may visualize a criminal holding up his hands to a police officer. Or maybe we imagine a soldier waving a white flag in surrender to the opposing army. Our lives aren’t quite that dramatic but the concept of surrendering to a Force greater than we are is still valid.

We really aren’t strangers to surrendering. There are many forces driving our lives that we have surrendered ourselves to. We have all surrendered to things, people and forces in our lives. Be it long work hours to pay for our over-extended finances; various bad habits: food, drinking, smoking, shopping, gambling; unhealthy relationships; laziness, binging on the media and Internet sites… this list could go on and on.

But when it comes to turning the tables on surrender, replacing the bad influences with The Best and Highest Force: God—we are uncomfortable, uncertain, and even fearful. There are times I can get to a place of surrender then in a few days I find myself carrying the load yet again.

Not only is surrender vital to a successful recovery from addiction, it’s important in our walk with God. Until we take life out of our hands and allow God to be the Master in charge, the path we walk is crooked.

A ship can’t be steered simultaneously by two captains going in two different directions. While I’m trying to type on this computer, someone else can’t come along and try to type with me. These objects: the computer or the ship can only be used or directed by one. They each must be surrendered to one user.

All of God’s creations, the sun, moon and stars; the plants, trees and animals are absolutely surrendered to the mighty hand of God. We, like they, have our place in His universe.

Surrendering is scary. But what we must remember is that we aren’t going into this alone. God is with us. God isn’t going to ask us to do anything He doesn’t equip us for.

For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. ~ Philippians 2:13 (NLT)

This verse tells us that God not only will give us the desire to surrender, but He will give us the power to do it. Everyday, over and over again; as long as we make ourselves available and willing vessels in His hands, the Holy Spirit living in us will do the work of surrender for us.

Remember what I said before about surrendering one day and then picking back up the load another day. Well, we can’t get hung up on that. We have to believe that what God has started in us, He will finish. The key is that we stay close to the Holy Spirit, guarding our input and influences so that we can be moldable vessels in God’s hands. God will honor our efforts when we humble ourselves before Him.

This is where the contemplative practices of centering prayer and visualization can help us. Do you recall that game we played as kids where one of your friends would stand behind your back and you closed your eyes and would fall back into their arms? That was real surrender!

Take a few minutes to sit with God. Pick a sacred word or Scripture to help center your heart. To calm my heart and mind, I like to sit quietly and repeatedly whisper Psalm 46:10 (Be still and know that I am God.) or the word peace.

After you find your sacred word or verse, think about that feeling you had falling back into a friend’s arms when you were a kid. Now begin to visualize your life completely surrendered to God. Next visualize your body completely surrendered to God… then your heart completely surrendered to God … your mind completely surrendered to God … your soul completely surrendered to God. Slowly, take your time with each area.

Surrender. Let go. Fall back. Trust Him. God won’t drop you.

 

Thanks so much for joining me today on the Reaching Hurting Women Podcast: A Contemplative Path of Recovery where we are learning new ways of coping with our daily struggles.

I hope you will check out ReachingHurtingWomen.com this week as we continue to discuss our theme topic of Surrender.

Until next time may the grace and peace of God be yours.

 

Lovingly Patiently Quietly…

With most written words, the emotional inflection is up to the reader. The title of this article could be read several ways, with different meanings depending on the inflection. The sentences have the same words but when you read them aloud with emphasis on a different word, you get a different type of question, which in turn expects a different answer.

For instance:

WHAT are you waiting for?   (What you wait for.)woman_waiting2

What ARE you waiting for?   (More emphatically and specifically what are you waiting for.

What are YOU waiting for?   (Why are you waiting when others aren’t waiting?)

What are you WAITING for?   (Hurry up, stop waiting.)

What are you waiting FOR?   (The reason you wait.)

When God prompted me to write this, I was thinking about how we live out the waiting process.

Are we wasting our time, passively sitting back just waiting for something to happen? 

Can we find purpose in the midst of the waiting?

I’ve been doing a lot of waiting the last few years; so I’ve had time to think about this concept. During my waiting I’ve been reading Waiting On God by Andrew Murray. One of the most important points Murray makes is that waiting is really working for God. In other words, waiting is our job. As Believers we are expected to wait.

We’ll always be waiting for something. The thing we’re waiting for now, may eventually come. And when it does we’ll have victory in that area. But almost immediately we begin waiting for something new. Sure, there are the normal, daily routine things we wait for:

Waiting in line at the grocery…

Waiting for the stoplight to change…

Waiting for your child to grow out of this phase…

Waiting on a loved one to trust in Christ…

Waiting on your marriage to normalize…

Life is really just a series of waiting events processing out.

Whether we realize it or not, we are being watched by others as we wait. It’s important to keep good attitudes and walk in love especially during the longest wait. I believe God honors that more that we know.

I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits, and in His Word I put my hope. ~ Psalm 130:5

Question:  What are you waiting for? Are you finding purpose in your waiting?  

 

02-11-11

RHW Podcast Episode 8

Hi Friends! Welcome to Episode Eight of the Reaching Hurting Women Podcast: A Contemplative Path of Recovery where we are learning new ways of coping with our daily struggles. My name is Tamara and I will be your host.

With the healing power of the Holy Spirit as our guide, we are integrating the traditional 12 Step Recovery principles with Benedictine Spirituality and other contemplative practices. Each Monday we are discussing our theme of the week.

Today our theme topic is: Waiting 

Waiting is difficult and annoying for anyone. We each have to wait for something almost every day. But with today’s technology we are doing our best to decrease the amount of waiting we have to do. We can place our table reservations for dinner on our phone app instead of waiting in line. We can order clothes online instead of fighting the crowded mall next weekend. We can even order our groceries to be delivered to our front door. While we can shave time off our busy days in some areas, there are other things that we can’t take shortcuts on.

No matter how fancy modern technology gets it will still take nine months for a baby to be born. It still takes 18 years before most children leave home. And God has His own timing for the various seasons of our life and the lessons that must be learned in them. Our challenge is to keep the right heart attitude in the midst of the waiting.

When I was pregnant and expecting any of my three children to be born, I didn’t just sit around and wait for them to be born. I was actively preparing for their arrival. Now granted, everyday wasn’t a planning day, but most of those 280 days were used for learning, planning and preparing for the expected bundle of joy to arrive. I spent hours reading parenting books, books of baby names, choosing and purchasing furniture, decorating the room, taking birthing classes and so on. While the baby was growing and developing in the womb, my husband and I were growing, developing and preparing to be new parents. The waiting time was active.

When we invite guests to our home for a dinner party we don’t wait to prepare everything the minute the guests arrive. We must make our plans and preparations in advance. We choose our menu, purchase the food, clean the house, and then cook the dinner. While waiting for the anticipated day we are still being active.

Waiting on God to answer our prayers can be an active time, too.

Are you waiting for God to send you a spouse? Maybe you can spend time preparing by reading some good relationship books.

Are you waiting for a job promotion? Maybe you can start learning more about the position in advance to save training time.

What are you waiting for? Is there something you can be doing in advance to prepare yourself?

The Bible has much to say about waiting. Our basic job in life is waiting. Let’s face it, we are waiting on something today, that we get tomorrow. The next day we will start waiting for something else completely different. If we can’t figure out how to wait correctly we will have a miserable life.

The book of Psalms says there are three ways to wait:

  • Wait Quietly I will wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. ~ Psalm 62:5
  • Wait Patiently Be still in the presence of the Lord and wait patiently for him to act. ~ Psalm 37:7
  • Wait Expectantly I wait expectantly, trusting God to help, for what he has promised. ~ Psalm 105:5

During this time of waiting must check our heart attitude and the words of our mouth. Being careful not to grumble, trusting and believing God; while doing all we can to prepare ourselves for the answer.

Thanks so much for joining me today on the Reaching Hurting Women Podcast: A Contemplative Path of Recovery where we are learning new ways of coping with our daily struggles.

I hope you will take some time to check out the resources on ReachingHurtingWomen.com this week as we discuss our theme topic of Waiting.

Until next time may the grace and peace of God be yours.

Suffering

suffer: to undergo, be subjected to, or endure pain, distress, injury, loss, or anything unpleasant

It’s true there is much suffering brought on us in the world today; by the economy, accidents, disease, natural disasters, etc…  Sometimes the consequences of our own poor choices, behaviors and decisions result in our own suffering, maybe even that of our loved ones.

How can we live out these consequences without suffering? 

Is it possible to take each day’s discipline with a good attitude? 

To accept our life as it is without complaining, be grateful for the freedoms and benefits we still enjoy? 

To be thankful that we have another chance at life, love and potential happiness?

Yes. But it’s not always easy. We think we’re suffering with our shrinking paychecks, expanding waistline, unexpected car repairs, never-ending family dramas, inconvenient court appointments, outrageous medical expenses, etc,

Instead of complaining about how bad we think everything is, maybe we can look at our suffering with new eyes and see real purpose. 

  • Why do we suffer? Sometimes even when we do everything right we will still suffer. The enemy tries to steal our joy & blessing before we can receive it by giving us problems. We need to see the bigger picture, maybe the purpose is to make us stronger.
  • How should we react in times of suffering? How we react reveals who we are and what we believe. Knowing why we are suffering can teach us to avoid the cause, but it’s more important to know how to respond. Rather than sit back passively accept suffering, we can step up, stand in faith and believe God to bring change.
  • What can we learn from suffering? If we listen, we can hear God speak to us in the midst of our struggles. Just as drought drive the roots of a tree deeper for water–so suffering can drive us from superficial acceptance to dependence on God for hope and life.

Is your suffering affecting change for you that is good or bad?

Suffering is harmful when:
We become hardened and reject God.
We refuse to ask questions and miss lessons that might be good for us.
We allow it to make us self-centered and selfish.
We withdraw from the help of others.
We reject that God can bring good out of calamity.
We accuse God of being unjust and perhaps lead others to reject Him.
We refuse to be open to any changes in our lives.

Suffering is helpful when:
We turn to God for understanding, endurance and deliverance.
We ask important questions we might not ask in a normal routine.
We are prepared by it to identify with and comfort others who suffer.
We are open to being helped by others.
We are sensitized to the amount of suffering in the world.
We are ready to learn from a trustworthy God.
We can identify with what Christ suffered on the cross for us.

Questions to ask in times of suffering; what to do if the answer is yes:

Am I being punished by God for sin? Is Satan attacking me for being a Christian?
Confess the sin and call on God for strength.

Am I being prepared for a special service, learning compassion?
Resist self-pity. Ask God to open doors of opportunity to help others.

Am I being tested?
Recognize in this sinful world both good and evil people will suffer. Remember, as Christians we have a promise that our suffering will one day come to an end.

Is my suffering for and unknown reason?
Don’t turn inward from the pain. Stand in faith. Know that God cares and wait patiently on His timing.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. – James 1:2-3 NIV

 

(Some material excerpt from The Life Application Study Bible)
Image credit: itsmejust / 123RF Stock Photo

Originally published July 8, 2010

RHW Podcast Episode 7

Hi Friends! Welcome to Episode Seven of the Reaching Hurting Women Podcast: A Contemplative Path of Recovery where we are learning new ways of coping with our daily struggles. My name is Tamara and I’ll be your host.

With the healing power of the Holy Spirit as our guide, we are integrating the traditional 12 Step Recovery principles with Benedictine Spirituality and other contemplative practices which we will be learning and discussing. It’s my hope to have a new podcast each Monday to discuss our theme of the week on ReachingHurtingWomen.com

This week our theme topic is: Suffering

We all experience suffering and we all handle it differently. Suffering has many levels and can be expressed in various emotions and behaviors. It can be painful, even destructive especially to our relationships.

What is suffering for you may not be suffering for me. What is suffering for me today may not be suffering for me tomorrow.But most suffering is a result of our lack of acceptance. When we can’t control life we suffer. Whatever it is, if we don’t like it and can’t change it, it is going to cause us suffering. Until we surrender to what we cannot control we will continue to suffer.

The degree to which we surrender to our suffering is the degree that we will grow stronger spiritually.

I have to say after 37 years of marriage this particular season of life, especially the last 2.5 years has been one of non-stop suffering for my husband and me. Without going into the details about our personal life we’ve had several moves, each with a job transition, health, legal, financial and family issues. It seems we’re getting hammered from every side. Then throw in trying to stay sober in the midst of all that… and you have suffering!

The book of James tells us:

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. ~ James 1:2

I don’t know about you, but I’m not jumping up and down for joy in the midst of my suffering.

As I was preparing for this podcast I found many great blog columns on Christians and suffering, the purposes of our suffering, why God allows us to suffer, truths about suffering and so on. I’d like to share some insights I gathered from my readings. Here are just a few:

7 Purposes of Suffering:

  1. Suffering increases our awareness of God’s power.

In our moments of suffering we are most aware of God’s omnipotent power.

  1. Suffering refines and strengthen us.

Usually when we get on the other side of suffering we have learned a lesson and are stronger for it.

  1. Suffering teaches us humility.

It’s pretty difficult to stay in pride and suffer. Not always, but usually suffering has a way of bringing us to our knees.

  1. Suffering teaches us to number our days.

We may be counting the days for the wrong reason, but at least we‘re counting them.

  1. Suffering equips us to minister to others.

After we have made it through our season of suffering, we are able to help others that struggle with the same thing we did.

  1. Suffering allows God to manifest His care.

If we are in a community of Christians God will use them to care for our needs if we will make our needs known.

  1. Suffering makes us dependent on God.

In times of suffering sometimes God is all we have.

 

During These Days of Suffering The 12 Steps Are Top of Mind:

  • I’m aware of my powerlessness more than ever because I can’t do anything without God’s help.
  • I need God to keep me sane, otherwise I’d be pulling my hair out.
  • I have to turn my will over daily, because following my will can get me into trouble.
  • I am reminded of my character defects, almost every morning. When I get out of bed physical pain reminds me of the bad food choices I made yesterday.
  • I’m asking God daily for the knowledge of His will and the ability to carry it out. Without His help I surely won’t be able to do it.
  • And to help me process my personal struggles, God has provided this podcast and website. This is where I contemplate on the lessons God is trying to teach me and pass them on to you.

That’s not all 12 of the Steps, but those are the ones that stick out most today.

As a recovering addict, I’m usually trying to avoid pain at all cost. But I’m finally learning the more I fight the pain and suffering, the more I try to run from it, to avoid it, to remove it… the worse it gets and the longer it may last.

If I can find my way to accepting this moment and its lesson for me, trusting that there is something better on the other side of the suffering, I will be closer to God’s peace. When I surrender to what this moment brings me, I am accepting God’s providence and by trusting Him, I am loving Him.

Before we close I want to circle back around to the verse I shared at the beginning from the book of James and read the whole verse:

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. ~ James 1:2

Friends we are all in this together. Our struggles are not a waste. God is using them to grow us into something wonderful. Our struggles are what we bring to God; it is His job to deliver us.

I know many of you are suffering in some way today. You may not be physically suffering, but you may be going through a relationship or financial difficulty.

I pray that you will take some time and go to ReachingHurtingWomen.com and check out the different resources on Suffering that will be posting each day this week. Also you will find category tabs above each blog post where you can find more helpful content. As always I look forward to hearing from you. Please post your comments below the show notes on today’s column. 

Thanks for joining me today on The Reaching Hurting Women Podcast: A Contemplative Path of Recovery where we are learning new and healthy ways of coping with our daily struggles.

Until next time, may the grace and peace of God be yours…

 

A Monk in the World

EACH MONTH IN MONK IN THE WORLD WE ARE LEARNING THE PRINCIPLES OF CHRISTIAN MONASTICISM AND HOW WE CAN APPLY THEM TO OUR LIVES OUTSIDE THE MONASTERY WALLS.

 

There are times when good words are to be left unsaid out of esteem for silence. ~ The Rule of Benedict

I kept quiet, not saying a word, not even about anything good! ~ Psalm 39:2 (GNT) 

Words, words, words… They are everywhere! Billboards, sides of buildings, flashing street signs, bumper stickers in traffic, even the sky isn’t immune with its skywriters and planes tugging advertisement banners. The plethora of words in our world dilute their meaning to the point of overload and burnout!

Where in the world can one go to find silence?

Even if we find a place with the precious quiet we’re craving we still have the noise in our mind to deal with. We must somehow change the internal noise into a gentler sound.

The one who sits in solitude and quiet has escaped from three wars: hearing, speaking, and seeing; yet against one thing shall he continually battle: that is his own heart. ~ Anthony of Egypt*

As our body needs rest, our spirit needs silence for our inner life to grow. When we keep out the weeds (noise) the garden of our soul can flourish. Too many words can hinder our relationship with God, preventing us from hearing the most important Word of all!  

Spiritual growth requires insights that only solitude and silence can provide. No one can do this work for us. We must be intentional to build times of silence into our day. It won’t happen otherwise.  

In Buddhist countries children routinely spend time with monks and are taught to sit in the lotus position and learn to meditate. Quaker communities also have silence as a regular part of their daily routine. 

Who is teaching us or our children how to sit in silence? Instead of hiding away in our prayer closet we must include our children and grand children in our practice of silence. They will learn best by watching our example.

If you are unaccustomed to silence (I was and most people are) begin with a simple plan. You may choose an activity that can be done in quiet: gardening, painting, walking or cooking. You may just want to sit. Either way start out small. If you want five minutes of silence, give yourself ten minutes. You will need the buffer time to get settled in. Gradually you will add more time. Before you know it you will prefer the silence!

Silence is an indispensable discipline in the spiritual life. It is our portable monastic cell that we take with us into the world to minister to others. 

RESOURCES:
The Way of the Heart: Connecting with God Through Prayer, Wisdom, and Silence by Henri J.M. Nouwen
Finding Sanctuary: Monastic Steps for Everyday Life by Abbot Christopher Jamison*
The Path of Life by Cyprian Smith OSB
The Rule of Benedict Edited by Timothy Fry, OSB
The Oblate Life Edited by Gervase Holdaway OSB
Originally published September 10, 2014

RHW Podcast Episode 6

Hi Friends! Welcome to Episode Six of the Reaching Hurting Women Podcast: A Contemplative Path of Recovery where we are learning new and healthy ways of coping with our daily struggles. My name is Tamara and I’ll be your host.

With the healing power of the Holy Spirit as our guide, we are integrating the traditional 12 Step Recovery principles with Benedictine Spirituality and other contemplative practices which we will be learning and discussing each week. It’s my hope to have a new podcast each Monday to discuss our theme of the week on ReachingHurtingWomen.com

This week our theme topic is: Silence 

Silence and Solitude, walking hand in hand like best friends; are almost inseparable companions on the Christian contemplative path. As silence is vital to make solitude a reality, so solitude is necessary to make the discipline of silence complete. While it seems impossible to find meaningful silence without solitude, silence will be our focus today.

Words, words, words! They are everywhere! They surround the scope of our existence. From freeway billboards, radio and television commercials, merchant and street signage, cars wrapped with the latest energy drink advertisement to tempt your taste buds, even most casual clothing is promoting some message.

Then there’s the monkey that chatters incessantly in our mind reminding us of the grocery list needed on the way home; the ear worm sings the lyrics from the undesired tune overheard blaring from the car next to you at the last street intersection; maybe it’s the negative self-talk that’s been continuously in your head for a lifetime…This plethora of words dilutes their value to the point of overload!

Just as our physical bodies need rest and sleep to recharge, our mind and spirit need silence. Most people in our modern world don’t know how to be silent. In fact, many are uncomfortable, even afraid of silence.

But silence is frightening. It has a way of stripping us like nothing else, down to the reality of life that we are desperate to avoid. Silence leaves us face to face with God and ourselves.

When I was living in my addiction, really most of my life up until I began working on sobriety in 2004, I was unable to endure silence of any kind. I kept the radio or television going at all times. I even went to sleep with the TV on. I wasn’t really aware that I was doing it until I got sober and didn’t need the distractions anymore.

As I grew more secure in my relationship with God, working the 12 Steps, and getting to the root causes of my need to escape from reality, I was able to relax in the silence. The more time I spent in silence, the more I wanted. And now silence is my preference. Cultivating interior silence will douse the endless racing thoughts, the list making, future planning, past regretting monkey mind that chatters on.

What is your relationship with silence? Check your daily routine. How much do you depend on noise to keep you company? To drown out the voices in your mind; to keep you from dealing with the convictions of the Holy Spirit?

If you are interested in making a change, start small during your morning devotion. To spend five minutes in real interior silence it may take you another five minutes to reach the place of quiet, to clear your mind and become comfortable. So five minutes of real silence takes 10 minutes in all.

Then bring the silent sanctuary with you through your day. Try taking a walk and actually listen to the birds sing. Drive to work without the radio on in your car. I think in time you will be pleasantly surprised, maybe like me you will grow to find silence your preference.

When we are able to be in silence, we are more available to hear God’s still, quiet voice. When we are able to sit in the silence of contemplation, our own words will have more value.

Don’t let your fear of the unknown rule you. Silence is not your enemy, but a great friend. As we worked Step One we discovered our powerlessness and nothingness before God. Entering into the silence of His presence we are filled with the fullness of His being, and will find the needed strength to take on our day. A heart that is steeped in God can be freed from the clamoring of selfish desires and find the healing in holy silence.

I hope you will take an opportunity to learn more about the spiritual discipline of silence. You will find a variety of resources in today’s show notes and also in the daily postings this week on ReachingHurtingWomen.com.

Thanks for joining me today on The Reaching Hurting Women Podcast: A Contemplative Path of Recovery where we are learning new and healthy ways of coping with our daily struggles. As always I look forward to hearing from you. Until next time, may the grace and peace of God be yours.

Resources:

The Way of the Heart: Connecting with God Through Prayer, Wisdom, and Silence by Henri J.M. Nouwen
Finding Sanctuary: Monastic Steps for Everyday Life by Abbot Christopher Jamison*
The Path of Life by Cyprian Smith OSB
The Rule of Benedict Edited by Timothy Fry, OSB
The Oblate Life Edited by Gervase Holdaway OSB

The Road to Recovery :: STEP 9

IN THE ROAD TO RECOVERY COLUMN WE ARE WORKING THE TRADITIONAL 12 STEPS OF RECOVERY, ALIGNed WITH THE yearLY CALENDAR, along with the EIGHT PRINCIPLES OF CELEBRATE RECOVERY THAT ARE BASED ON THE BEATITUDES of Jesus Christ. 

STEP 9: We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar ad there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” ~ Matthew 5:23-23

PRINCIPLE 6 (Celebrate Recovery): Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others, except when to do so would harm them or others.

“Happy are the merciful.” ~ Matthew 5:7
“Happy are the peacemakers.” ~ Matthew 5:9

Last month in Step 8 we worked on listing the people we need to make amends to. This month we take the next, maybe the most freeing step, and actually make the amends. This is a difficult step but a critical point in our recovery. Without this step we will continue to beat ourselves up and continuing to carry more shame and guilt which could be the driving force to possible relapse.

The *Celebrate Recovery program is full of beautiful acrostics that help flesh out the work of each step. Each letter in the acrostic helps us make the next important step in the process of making our amends. Take some time to sit with the acrostic. Read it. Meditate on it. Journal how you can apply each letter’s step to your life as you prepare to make your amends.

A — Admit the hurt and the harm ~ Holding on to old resentments blocks our recovery and God’s forgiveness in our lives.
M — Make a list ~ Not worrying about how we will make the amends we simple list the people we have hurt.
E —  Encourage one another ~ It’s important to meet with our sponsor or accountability partner beforehand to practice making our amends.
N —  NOT for them ~ Without excuses or justifying our actions we make our amends humbly, honestly, sincerely and willingly. We focus on our part only.
D — Do it at the right time ~ Before making our amends we should pray for God’s guidance, direction and perfect timing.
S  —  Start living the promises of recovery ~ Embracing true freedom from our past we are now ready to receive God’s plan and purpose for our lives.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace!
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console.
To be understood as to understand.
To be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned.
It is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

~ Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

Remember, the recovery process is not meant to be worked alone! Reach out to your sponsor or accountability partners to assist you. If you’re not in a 12 Step program please click here to find a CR group near you.

If you can’t see the video screen below CLICK HERE to watch our Road to Recovery theme song.

RESOURCES:
Celebrate Recovery Bible 
*Celebrate Recovery Leadership Guide


Photo Courtesy 123rf.com

Originally published September 4, 2013