Category: Resources

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BOOK REVIEW

Healing the Shame That Binds You

by John Bradshaw

Health Communications, Inc.
1988 Revised 2005
315 pp

 

 

John Bradshaw is a NY Times Best Selling Author, Educator, Philosopher, Theologian, Lecturer, Counselor, Emotional Health and Addiction Recovery Specialist. In 1999 he was selected by his fellow mental health professionals as one of the 100 Most Influential Writers on Emotional Health in the Twentieth Century. His insights on childhood and family relationships and the effects of issues like abuse, addiction, co-dependency and trauma have helped millions of people including myself.

I first read Healing the Shame That Binds You in 2006 when I was in the early stages of sobriety. I was terribly confused about my internal pain, why I had acted the way I did, why I destroyed my family and nearly myself. John Bradshaw’s book answered many of those questions, helped me better understand my family of origin and how it affected me as a child, adolescent and adult.

Quick disclaimer: this book isn’t written from a Christian worldview but that doesn’t preclude the information from being critical to healing. Poignantly, Mr. Bradshaw shares much of his own story… a recovering alcoholic, abandoned by his father at a young age and later sexually abused by a Catholic priest, this author personally understands the pain and torment toxic shame causes.

Healing the Shame That Binds You is extremely well written and easy to read with great charts and graphs that explain the challenging topics. But don’t mistake the ease of reading for fast processing. Those struggling with emotional wounds can expect this read to be slow and probably painful.

If you or someone you know is in the early stages of addiction recovery, have been abused or traumatized at any time in life, please consider this book. Healing the Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw is one of the most important books for emotional healing.

Here is a sample of John Bradshaw’s teaching on YouTube. http://youtu.be/sr1vq5CfUYU

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BOOK REVIEW :: Healing is a Choice by Stephen Arterburn





                      


Healing is a Choice: 
Ten Decisions That Will Transform Your Life and 
Ten Lies That Can Prevent You From Making Them

by @SteveArterburn
Thomas Nelson Publishers 225pp

I had originally planned to review a different book for August, but had problems with the digital photo of the cover. So at the last minute before publishing my monthly preview, I decided, or rather, God decided, this was the book I was supposed to read. I’ve been reading Stephen Arterburn’s work for many years. His books always bring conviction and comfort and this one was no disappointment.

Let’s start with these challenging words from the author:

I am asking you to give up your life as you know it so that you can find the life God has for you. Take hold of your future today and make the choices that will lead to your healing. ~ Stephen Arterburn

With touching personal stories, Mr. Arterburn shows us why we should refuse the lies we’ve been believing and how to make needed changes that will bring healing if we choose to do the work. As always, it’s our choice whether we want to be healed or not.

Here is a sample:

  1. The Choice to Connect Your Life: We must branch out from the “I only need God” mentality; take a healing risk to connect with others who can help us experience life to the fullest.
  2. The Choice to Feel Your Life: We must press past the habit of numbing ourselves. Once we can define and acknowledge our feelings true healing can begin.
  3. The Choice to Investigate Your Life in Search of Truth: Take an honest look at your life in the past, where you are today and where it is leading for the future.
  4. The Choice to Heal Your Future: When we stop dragging our past into our future we lose weight that slows us down and can rob us of a healthy future.
  5. The Choice to Help Your Life: By choosing to reach outside ourselves we can help ourselves have the life God desires for us.

Healing is a Choice is full of valuable information that can help anyone no matter the life situation. As I said before, Stephen Arterburn’s books always help me. Even when I wasn’t looking for help, God knew what I needed. You may think you’ve got life figured out, but God may surprise you like He did me.
Buy Healing is a Choice. 
You won’t be sorry!
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BOOK REVIEW :: Feminism: Mystique or Mistake? by Diane Passno

Feminism: Mystique or Mistake? (Renewing the Heart)      

FEMINISM: Mystique or Mistake?
by Diane Passno
Tyndale House Publishers 2000

After all the book reviews I’ve done, this will be my first negative. I’m not sure if it’s my past life as a liberal addict that’s affecting my opinion, but for some reason I didn’t get a lot out of this book.

I ordered Feminism: Mystique or Mistake to aid my research on self-image and identity, which is a struggle for many women. While it did address things related to those issues, there was too many stories and not enough life-changing information to suit me.

Although I agree with much of what Ms. Passno writes, her book didn’t hold my interest. Honestly, I was quite disappointed especially since I had already announced an upcoming blog review. 


Oh well, I guess you can’t like all books, even if they are written from a Christian perspective.

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BOOK REVIEW ~ Strength in Weakness by Andrew Comiskey

Strength in Weakness: 

Healing Sexual and Relational Brokenness

by @AndrewComiskey

InterVarsity Press 2003






I first read Strength in Weakness in 2007 when I was in the throws of understanding my struggle with same-sex attraction. It helped explain the roots of my pain and answered many questions.


Although Andrew Comiskey writes about his struggle with homosexuality, this book isn’t just for people who are overcoming same-sex attraction. Strength in Weakness is for anyone, male or female, who have experienced broken relationships and need sexual healing.

We all suffer the consequences of the Fall and often don’t understand how that affects our relationships.


In Strength in Weakness, Mr. Comiskey lovingly navigates the wounded to identity, an identity not found in what our culture says we should be, an identity not found in who our childhood wounds tell us we are, but an identity found at the foot of the Cross.

Only through Christ will we find healing for our brokenness, only then will our weakness be transformed into Kingdom Power that reaches others with God’s love.


Are you hurting because of broken relationships? Struggling with areas of weakness?


Instead of falling backward into further sin, fall forward into Christ. 


Read Strength in Weakness by @AndrewComiskey. I found healing in its pages, you can to.

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Healing Hurts :: 5 Steps to Overcome an Identity Crisis



Life today is lived at a break-neck speed. We’re sophisticated, educated, wealthy; going, doing, acquiring. Our cluttered minds are numbed with the social, news and entertainment media available at our fingertips every waking moment.


The world is off Center and dragging us with it. With lives so focused on caring and living for others, no wonder women wake up one day and suddenly find themselves dizzy with doubt about who they are.

Who’s got time to stop and think? 
To ponder self and life’s meaning? 

Identity Crisis shows up in all seasons of life, often brought on by sudden life changes and displays various external behaviors depending on the person.

Adolescence, midlife, empty nest, divorce, death of a spouse, career change, Perimenopause, sexual or gender confusion, etc… Let’s look at these tough times of life and find answers that bring relief and peace.


What is an Identity Crisis?

  • Conflict when the visible you doesn’t match the “real” you. 
  • Disillusionment when roles or relationships are removed or changed.
  • Confusion possibly brought on by childhood trauma or abuse. 

What Are The Emotional Symptoms?
Anxiety –– Who am I?
Depression –– My life is hopeless.
Self-doubt — I can’t do anything right.
Low self-worth — I’m no good.
Self-conscious — My body is unacceptable.

What Are Some Outward Symptoms?
Attitudes and behaviors turn negative 
Unhealthy friendships are prominent 
Sexual immorality / Substance abuse 
Poor choices and impulsive decisions 
Can’t set long-term goals for future

Women are always putting themselves at the bottom of the list. We’re so concerned with taking care of everyone else that when we finally do have time for ourselves we’re too exhausted to care anymore! Without realizing it, we find our identity in doing rather than being; life is about others vs. life with God. If continued long term these unhealthy habits may set us up for a hard fall.

Often people in the church give the pat answer, “If our identity is in Christ, we should be fine.” Well, that is true and sounds good, but even a believer can find herself suddenly drowning in life changes that bring about an emotional upheaval. 

How can a Follower of Christ stay strong during these troubling times? 

1. Examine Your Center
How do you start your day? Checking email on your phone before you drag out of bed? Try going to bed and getting up earlier so you can spend time with God in prayer and meditation first thing! I suggest at least 15-30 minutes of silence with the Lord before reading the Bible or a devotional. If we don’t fuel our spirit in silence and solitude, we’ll have no strength available when turmoil comes. 
2. Examine Your Health
Often our emotions get the best of us in times of stress because we are nutritionally and physically deficient. Too much sugar, caffeine and fast-food, combined with not enough sleep and no exercise can leave us vulnerable.
3. Examine Your Dreams
What about life brings you joy… bird watching, gardening, reading? Do you have old interests left unexplored? New ones unchallenged? Have you always wanted to paint, sky dive, go to college? What are you waiting for? “Enjoy yourself, it’s later than your think!” 
4. Examine Your Relationships
It’s possible that not all your relationships are healthy. Do you have co-workers or family members who are so negative that it drains you to be around them? Take a step back. Find people who make you smile or laugh. Spend more time with them.
5. Examine Your Self
If reading this you find yourself in a state of despair over your life situation, past mistakes or what appears to be a hopeless future, please find a counselor, trusted friend or family member to whom you can share your pain. Often just talking it out resets our mind, energies and path. As always, feel free to email me if you need a friend!

Your real life is hidden with Christ in God. ~ Colossians 3:3


Find strength for the journey with the @Newsboys   http://youtu.be/z8j-YLb37Yk




Resources:
Biblical Counseling Keys: Identity: Who Are You? by @JuneHunt www.hopefortheheart.org
Embracing Your Second Calling by @DaleHansonBourke 
Twelve Steps to Inner Freedom by Joan Chittister www.joanchittister.org


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BOOK REVIEW: Restoring Sexual Identity by Anne Paulk





Restoring Sexual Identity: 
Hope for Women Who Struggle with Same-Sex Attraction
by Anne Paulk
Harvest House Publishers 2003
269 pp

Let me start by saying I first read this book in 2007 when I was at the forefront of my own SSA (Same-Sex Attraction) battle. I was ready to leave behind a lifestyle I’d been involved in for several years and I didn’t know how to deal with the emotions, the feelings and thoughts in my mind. Like many women in my position, I had many questions… Why do I have these feeling? Will I struggle with this forever? By reading Restoring Sexual Identity I came to understand the root of my SSA and learned how to manage my emotions, work through my feelings and heal my relationships.

Here’s a sample of what you will learn from Anne Paulk:

  • Where Same-Sex Attraction comes from.
  • How lesbian attraction develops.
  • How to overcome past abuse.
  • The importance of a support system.
  • How to have healthy relationships with men and women.

I highly recommend this book to any woman struggling with unwanted Same-Sex Attraction or for any parent with a daughter who struggles. This is an excellent resource that deals with real life questions and answers them with Christ-centered solutions.

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BOOK REVIEW ~ Feeding Your Appetites: Take Control of What’s Controlling You!



Feeding Your Appetites: 
Take Control of What’s Controlling You! 
by @SteveArterburn
Thomas Nelson Publishers 2006
206 pp





If you’re not familiar with Stephen Arterburn — check him out. He has been an incredibly important influence on me from the early days of my recovery. In fact The Life Recovery Bible, which he edited and produced with David Stoop, saved my life!


Stephen Arterburn is the founder and chairman of New Life Ministries and is the host of the nationally syndicated “New Life Live!” daily radio program. Steve’s also the founder of the Women of Faith conferences and has written over 60 books. This isn’t a Stephen Arterburn advertisement, but I want to put into perspective the value you will get from reading his book.


In Feeding Your Appetites Mr. Arterburn shows us in the beginning, at creation, all our appetites were intended for good. It was only after the fall of man that our natural appetites took on unhealthy purposes.


The career we choose…

  • the way we spend our money
  • how often we want sex and what kind we want
  • the types of friends we build relationships with
  • the amount of champagne we drink at a party  
  • how we prioritize our activities

…all reflect our distinctive appetites and desires. 

Our appetites motivate us to seek fulfillment, but they must be managed or they will lead us into a world of regret and tremendous emotional pain. When an appetite intended to help us survive is managed incorrectly, it may become a trap holding us in a deadly grip. Until we give ourselves and our appetites completely over to God, we will remain trapped. ~ Stephen Arterburn

 

While reading Feeding Your Appetites we will recognize the influences that have led to our poor choices, we will pave new pathways and learn how to fill these natural voids in healthy ways. We will begin to cultivate godly appetites and ultimately live a surrendered life. To ensure our success Stephen has a simple Twelve Step process to help us evaluate our circumstances and map the areas where we’re struggling. Also included is a study guide for use with family or small groups.


If you struggle with appetites that have grown out of control consider reading Feeding Your Appetites by Stephen Arterburn.

An enjoyable read that can bring a better life. I highly recommend it!




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Healing Hurts :: LONELINESS

In hopes of targeting topics to fit my reader’s needs, I recently took a poll of the hurts women struggle with. My poll listed: depression, anxiety, drug and alcohol abuse, sexual addiction, loneliness, self-hatred, and inferiority. The survey results were interesting, but not surprising.
Loneliness overshadowed all the other struggles listed. 
Using the UCLA Loneliness Scale, AARP surveyed 3012 people over the age of 45 and found 35 percent are chronically lonely compared to 20 percent in a similar survey ten years earlier. 
According to the 2010 Census, 25 percent of American households are maintained by a single person, a dramatic increase from 7 percent in 1940. 
Over half of all Americans report having no close confidant or friends outside their immediate family; 25 percent of American have no meaningful social support at all, not a single person they can confide in!
All this means serious trouble for our health. Lonely people tend to have higher stress levels, exercise less, have more substance abuse, weaker immune systems, and the list goes on.
What is Loneliness? 
Loneliness is a state of sadness resulting from feeling separated from others.
Chronic loneliness is continually feeling disconnected from others; often leads to personal isolation, bitterness and destructive behavior.

Loneliness today seems to come with the job. Not only are more children growing up with single parents, but where there are two parents, often both parents are working with an average commute of 46 minutes. By the time everyone gets home, there’s no time to visit with the neighbor while the kids play outside. We wear busy as a badge while the value of community connection all but disappears.
Alone vs. Lonely  
Being alone refers to the physical state of being separated from others.
Being lonely refers to the emotional feeling of isolation or rejection.
Being alone can be a positive time of creativity or meditation with God.
Being lonely is always negative with feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness. 
What about all my social-media friends and followers? Studies show rather than building community, social-networking sites give a false sense of connection that increases loneliness in people who already feel alone. A lonely woman may get on Facebook and see all the cool things her friends are doing with their exciting vacations, romantic dinners and happy families, she then begins to feel discontent with her own life.
Causes for Loneliness
Situational Loneliness: divorce, death of a loved one, empty nest, loss of job or home, physical disability, major move, illness, aging, abuse, new job, estrangement of family, etc…
Spiritual Loneliness: bad things happen and you feel God has abandoned you.

Social stigmas surround Loneliness. It’s seems acceptable to be on medication for depression, but being lonely often means unwanted, unlovable, unattractive, unintelligent. Loneliness is compounded not only with feeling alone but being alone in that feeling. It seems no one understands.
Some helpful solutions…
  • Ask God for guidance and He will help you!
  • Evaluate your loneliness. Take the UCLA Loneliness Test.
  • Take charge of your feelings; remove negative thoughts and self-talk.
  • Volunteer in your community.
  • Join and get plugged into a local Bible believing church.
  • Reduce work commute to free up time for friends, family and activities.
  • Don’t substitute electronic communication for face time.
  • Take an adult education class, start scrap-booking, knitting or quilting.
  •  Be determined not to isolate. Nurture personal relationships. 
  •  Meet your neighbors. Start a ladies lunch or dinner once a month.
  •  Get the resources listed below. 
  •  Read and memorize Scripture.
  •  Listen to praise and worship music. 


Personally, loneliness is high on my list of struggles. It’s gotten better as I’ve grown in the Lord but it still shows up when I least expect it. I’m not a doctor or a counselor and don’t pretend to have all the answers. The more I researched loneliness the more I discovered what a huge problem it is in our world today. I spent several weeks studying and found volumes of material on the subject. There was no way I could possibly cover all the areas needed so I’ve added a few resources below. 

If you suffer with chronic loneliness and have no one to talk to, please feel free to contact me here. 
The three best resources I found to help with loneliness: 
Worship music helps me most when I’m lonely. Here are some of my favorites. Rest in the Father’s Hands and receive His love for you…


Jesus Culture – All I Need is You http://youtu.be/MvL6evyRFgY


Misty Edwards – My Soul Longs for You http://youtu.be/mWC3J4Wz0wo


Michael W. Smith – More Love, More Power http://youtu.be/MhnmLNfyqY4

Photo Courtesy 123RF Stock Photo

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BOOK REVIEW: Who Switched Off My Brain? by Dr Caroline Leaf

WHO SWITCHED OFF MY BRAIN? Controlling Toxic Thoughts and Emotions
by @DrCarolineLeaf
Published by Inprov, Ltd.
2009
175 pp

I’ve read countless books and have never gotten more excited. Not just about the book, but the topic, the science, and the implications this information can have on emotional and physical healing.

With creative schematics and easy to understand layman’s language, Dr. Caroline Leaf explains the fascinating brain science behind why and how our thoughts effect every area of our physical bodies down to the cellular level. She has an amazing talent for teaching both the scientific and spiritual aspects of the brain with incredible clarity.


Proving with science what Scripture has been saying for thousands of years. 

For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. ~ Proverbs 23:7 AMP

Who among us doesn’t struggle with our thought life? 

Leading us out of distress, Dr. Leaf reveals The Dirty Dozen ~ 12 specific areas of toxic thinking in our lives:

  • Toxic Thoughts
  • Toxic Emotions
  • Toxic Words
  • Toxic Choices
  • Toxic Dreams
  • Toxic Seeds
  • Toxic Faith
  • Toxic Love
  • Toxic Touch
  • Toxic Seriousness
  • Toxic Health
  • Toxic Schedules

Having recognized our toxic thought patterns we learn how to sweep our brains, step by step detoxing each area of our thoughts. By gathering, reflecting, journaling, revisiting, and reaching, we reprogram our minds to build a secure foundation for the change, health and wholeness we desire.


“Who Switched Off My Brain?” is interesting, educational, enlightening, entertaining, spiritually relevant… a step by step process that leads to physical and emotional healing!

An honest to goodness page turner. I literally couldn’t put it down once I started!

I highly recommend Who Switched Off My Brain?” by Dr Caroline Leaf.

Here is a video of Joyce Meyer interviewing Dr. Caroline Leaf. 
Click here for another part of their interview.

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BOOK REVIEW: Power Thoughts by Joyce Meyer



POWER THOUGHTS ~ 12 Strategies to Win the Battle of the Mind 
by @JoyceMeyer
FaithWords 2011
270pp

Anyone who knows me, knows I’m a huge Joyce Meyer fan. Not because she’s a marvelous teacher, although she is. But through Joyce’s transparency, sharing her hurts and struggles, God has brought me healing and personal transformation. I’ve read most of her books, watched her television broadcast and listened to her CD’s, consistently for seven years. Without a doubt, Joyce Meyer’s ministry has had more impact on my life than any other. You can’t go wrong reading any of her books, but today let’s talk about Power Thoughts: 12 Strategies to Win the Battle of the Mind.

Power Thoughts isn’t a book just to be read. It’s a textbook that needs to be studied and used over and over again. Joyce frequently admits her own struggle in the area of her mind. And like a good teacher, she’s passing on tools she knows work, because they’ve helped her. In her traditional “Mama J” style, with review questions and Power Pack Scriptures placed throughout, Joyce gives us 12 Power Thoughts to help corral our mind. Here’s a sample…

Power Thought 1: I can do whatever I need to do in life through Christ.

This one’s a biggie for me. It’s easy to get into a pity party about doing housework, thinking I’m not making a difference in the world. Then God reminds me that whatever I need to do today, is what He wants me to do and I can do it through Christ’s strength if I will keep my mind on Him!

Joyce encourages us to focus on one Power Thought for a week, posting it on a 3×5 card in visible places around our home or office. Then throughout the day it’s available to review, thus keeping it top of mind. I’ve used this technique over the years with Scripture and affirmations with great success.

Often we don’t realize our problems start with a thought. If we’re depressed, we need to stop and have a “think session.” By reviewing what’s been running through our mind, we’ll find negative thoughts are the culprits. Once we get control of our thoughts, we’ll change our attitude and eventually our actions. Then we can enjoy the life Jesus died for us to have!

No matter what your struggle, thoughts are critical to overcoming any situation. I encourage you to get Power Thoughts: 12 Strategies to Win the Battle of the Mind by Joyce Meyer. Don’t just read it. Really do the work. It can and will change your life…

I offer you twelve “power thoughts” that can revolutionize your life if you will believe them, allow them to take root in your mind, and act on them in your everyday life. ~ Joyce Meyer